I Am A Boy Who Wants To Be A Girl
the time my friend Freddie became a girl Part 7
I kept thinking about what would happen if this were a school week, how would I explain to Suzanne that I don?t go to school? I can?t tell her that my parents didn?t bother to find me a new school after I finished primary school, and that because of my parents I?ve missed a year of teaching. Nope, I wouldn?t tell her any of that, Kirsty would have to make up another wild story to cover it.
Suzanne would probably make me tag along with her and Kirsty, and then register me at the same school? wait, I can?t think about things like that. If she registered me at a school then that would make this official, I?d be stuck as a pretend girl forever! And then later when I grew up, there wouldn?t just be hair on my legs? how would I explain that?
That familiar feeling of fear surging through my body had returned, again I was rooted to the spot. That is until I felt another familiar feeling, a pinching on my arm.
I jolted back to the present and snatched my arm away from Kirsty?s razor tipped fingers.
?Hey, focus Jaiden, what were you thinking about?? she asked me, a hint of concern on her face.
?I just started thinking about this, if this lasted longer than tonight and tomorrow morning, or even if it became permanent.? I replied. A cold chill ran down my spine as I heard the word come from my mouth. Permanent? I?d be stuck like this, I?d be stuck as Jaiden, and I?d have no real parents. It would be like I was born again but started my new life as a 12 year old, with no friends or family?
Kirsty clicked her fingers and waved her hand in front of my face.
?Focus Jaiden! Why would you want this to become permanent? Are you starting to enjoy being a girl?? she asked.
?No! I just keep worrying about things, you know, if they don?t go to plan tomorrow. What will we do then?? I asked.
?Trust me, we don?t need to think about that, the plan can?t fail. Mum is out of the house from 8am to 4pm, for the whole week. The plan will only fail if you?re still in the house when Mum gets back, and even if that happens you?ll just have to stay here one more night. The plan can?t go wrong twice.? She replied confidently, Kirsty really had thought this through, she was right. Nothing can go wrong.
?Fine, just stop calling me Jaiden, after tomorrow she doesn?t exist!? I grinned at her.
Kirsty pouted at me. ?Please? I don?t have any friends called Jaiden!? she tilted her head to the side and looked at me innocently.
I grunted.
Later that evening, Kirsty and me were sitting in her room watching Dance moms. We had spent five minutes arguing over what to watch, and then another five minutes for Kirsty to convince me that Dance moms wasn?t as girly as I thought.
Suzanne came in during one of the ad breaks, carrying a bundle of clothes in her hands.
?Hey you two. Jaiden, I realised you probably haven?t brought any pyjamas with you so I found some that look about your size.? She said whilst stepping over to where we were sitting on the edge of Kirsty?s canopy bed. She sat down beside me.
?Oh thanks Mum, but?? I began to explain that I didn?t need them, since I wasn?t going to be a girl in the morning. But Suzanne was quick to stop me.
?No buts sweetheart, do you really think I?d make you sleep in that dress? These will be so much more comfortable.? She handed me the pile of clothes, which at first glance looked like another pile of pink.
I smiled and nodded slowly, She patted my legging clad knee, then took me totally by surprise with a big wet kiss on the top of my head. Before I could say anything, she spoke again.
?Kirsty, dear, could you see me outside for a second?? she asked, already moving to stand up.
?Sure Mum?what for?? Kirsty replied, also standing up even if she didn?t know why.
?Just come with me dear.? Suzanne replied quickly, and then calmly took Kirsty?s hand and led her out of the room.
Kirsty gave me one last look of confusion and worry as she slowly disappeared behind the door, which closed shut soon after she left. I didn?t know what to think of that, maybe her Mum had another package for her. I quickly realised this was the first time I was in Kirsty?s room alone, and that lead me into a strange train of thought. I?m dressed as a girl, nobody can tell I?m a boy, I?m in a girl?s room and I?m alone in that room. It?s like this is? my room?
If someone were looking through the window, they?d certainly think that I?m a girl in my room.
Oh god, this is just getting more and more uncomfortable by the second.
Kirsty had been with her mother for much longer than a second, I had to check what was going on. Did Suzanne know about me? Did she know my secret? I stood up from the bed, muted the TV and walked towards the wall. I put my ear against the wall and listened closely, Kirsty and her Mum were talking in Maddie?s room next door.
?So you just met her in the park?? said Suzanne.
?She was sitting on a bench and looked really lonely, I sat with her Mum,? replied her rather nervous sounding daughter.
?I hope Kirsty can make up a good enough story.? I whispered to myself.
?I see, and there was nobody with her, no parents or guardians?? asked Suzanne.
?Nobody Mum, she was sitting there all alone, I told you her parents disappeared.? Kirsty answered, there was a brief moment of silence, her mother must have been thinking.
?Does anyone look after her? Does she have a home?? asked Suzanne, the worry in her voice starting to grow.
?She hasn?t mentioned anywhere or anyone.? Kirsty replied.
Was she trying to make her mum upset again with another sad story? It didn?t matter anyway, tomorrow I?ll be out of this costume and all the stories that Kirsty told her Mum would be forgotten in a few weeks.
?That poor little girl, why would her parents abandon her like that?? asked a Suzanne who sounded like she was talking through tears.
?She didn?t say, I don?t think she knows why, Mum.? Kirsty replied. I imagined they would be hugging right now to comfort each other, or at least to comfort Suzanne.
?So she?s homeless and without a parent or guardian, and you?re her only friend?? asked Suzanne.
?Yes Mum but?? Kirsty sounded like she was about to tell her made up story, that would hopefully make Jaiden?s disappearance in the morning nothing to worry about. But Suzanne answered her own question herself.
?We?re her only hope in this world, sweetheart, we have to protect her. I?d like her to stay here a bit longer so we can sort something out.? Suzanne was speaking with a determined edge to her voice, she was definitely not joking about that.
?I?ll be gone in the morning, I?ll be gone in the morning, I?ll be gone in the morning.? I whispered over and over to myself. ?She?s talking about someone who doesn?t exist.?
?I don?t think that?s necessary Mum.? Kirsty sounded anxious, she was trying her best to make her Mum think Jaiden would be okay. It sounded hopeless to persuade Suzanne otherwise, the story that Kirsty came up with was too sad, nobody would let Jaiden go alone if they heard her story now.
?This isn?t something we can say yes or no to Kirsty, we have to do this. Jaiden won?t survive without our help. How long has she been on her own?? asked a Suzanne whose maternal instincts were going into overdrive.
?Her parents disappeared just after she finished junior school at the beginning of the holidays, so two or three weeks? She?s only eleven but she knows how to survive.?
?I?m twelve, Kirsty, twelve!? I whispered to myself, though I partly wanted Kirsty to hear me.
Kirsty was still pursuing the hopeless goal of making Jaiden look like a natural born survivor, but her mother wasn?t budging.
?My decision is final sweetheart, I know your just defending her, making it sound like she can cope. But you know the truth, she is a frightened little girl who needs us!? she said.
I kept thinking about what would happen if this were a school week, how would I explain to Suzanne that I don?t go to school? I can?t tell her that my parents didn?t bother to find me a new school after I finished primary school, and that because of my parents I?ve missed a year of teaching. Nope, I wouldn?t tell her any of that, Kirsty would have to make up another wild story to cover it.
Suzanne would probably make me tag along with her and Kirsty, and then register me at the same school? wait, I can?t think about things like that. If she registered me at a school then that would make this official, I?d be stuck as a pretend girl forever! And then later when I grew up, there wouldn?t just be hair on my legs? how would I explain that?
That familiar feeling of fear surging through my body had returned, again I was rooted to the spot. That is until I felt another familiar feeling, a pinching on my arm.
I jolted back to the present and snatched my arm away from Kirsty?s razor tipped fingers.
?Hey, focus Jaiden, what were you thinking about?? she asked me, a hint of concern on her face.
?I just started thinking about this, if this lasted longer than tonight and tomorrow morning, or even if it became permanent.? I replied. A cold chill ran down my spine as I heard the word come from my mouth. Permanent? I?d be stuck like this, I?d be stuck as Jaiden, and I?d have no real parents. It would be like I was born again but started my new life as a 12 year old, with no friends or family?
Kirsty clicked her fingers and waved her hand in front of my face.
?Focus Jaiden! Why would you want this to become permanent? Are you starting to enjoy being a girl?? she asked.
?No! I just keep worrying about things, you know, if they don?t go to plan tomorrow. What will we do then?? I asked.
?Trust me, we don?t need to think about that, the plan can?t fail. Mum is out of the house from 8am to 4pm, for the whole week. The plan will only fail if you?re still in the house when Mum gets back, and even if that happens you?ll just have to stay here one more night. The plan can?t go wrong twice.? She replied confidently, Kirsty really had thought this through, she was right. Nothing can go wrong.
?Fine, just stop calling me Jaiden, after tomorrow she doesn?t exist!? I grinned at her.
Kirsty pouted at me. ?Please? I don?t have any friends called Jaiden!? she tilted her head to the side and looked at me innocently.
I grunted.
Later that evening, Kirsty and me were sitting in her room watching Dance moms. We had spent five minutes arguing over what to watch, and then another five minutes for Kirsty to convince me that Dance moms wasn?t as girly as I thought.
Suzanne came in during one of the ad breaks, carrying a bundle of clothes in her hands.
?Hey you two. Jaiden, I realised you probably haven?t brought any pyjamas with you so I found some that look about your size.? She said whilst stepping over to where we were sitting on the edge of Kirsty?s canopy bed. She sat down beside me.
?Oh thanks Mum, but?? I began to explain that I didn?t need them, since I wasn?t going to be a girl in the morning. But Suzanne was quick to stop me.
?No buts sweetheart, do you really think I?d make you sleep in that dress? These will be so much more comfortable.? She handed me the pile of clothes, which at first glance looked like another pile of pink.
I smiled and nodded slowly, She patted my legging clad knee, then took me totally by surprise with a big wet kiss on the top of my head. Before I could say anything, she spoke again.
?Kirsty, dear, could you see me outside for a second?? she asked, already moving to stand up.
?Sure Mum?what for?? Kirsty replied, also standing up even if she didn?t know why.
?Just come with me dear.? Suzanne replied quickly, and then calmly took Kirsty?s hand and led her out of the room.
Kirsty gave me one last look of confusion and worry as she slowly disappeared behind the door, which closed shut soon after she left. I didn?t know what to think of that, maybe her Mum had another package for her. I quickly realised this was the first time I was in Kirsty?s room alone, and that lead me into a strange train of thought. I?m dressed as a girl, nobody can tell I?m a boy, I?m in a girl?s room and I?m alone in that room. It?s like this is? my room?
If someone were looking through the window, they?d certainly think that I?m a girl in my room.
Oh god, this is just getting more and more uncomfortable by the second.
Kirsty had been with her mother for much longer than a second, I had to check what was going on. Did Suzanne know about me? Did she know my secret? I stood up from the bed, muted the TV and walked towards the wall. I put my ear against the wall and listened closely, Kirsty and her Mum were talking in Maddie?s room next door.
?So you just met her in the park?? said Suzanne.
?She was sitting on a bench and looked really lonely, I sat with her Mum,? replied her rather nervous sounding daughter.
?I hope Kirsty can make up a good enough story.? I whispered to myself.
?I see, and there was nobody with her, no parents or guardians?? asked Suzanne.
?Nobody Mum, she was sitting there all alone, I told you her parents disappeared.? Kirsty answered, there was a brief moment of silence, her mother must have been thinking.
?Does anyone look after her? Does she have a home?? asked Suzanne, the worry in her voice starting to grow.
?She hasn?t mentioned anywhere or anyone.? Kirsty replied.
Was she trying to make her mum upset again with another sad story? It didn?t matter anyway, tomorrow I?ll be out of this costume and all the stories that Kirsty told her Mum would be forgotten in a few weeks.
?That poor little girl, why would her parents abandon her like that?? asked a Suzanne who sounded like she was talking through tears.
?She didn?t say, I don?t think she knows why, Mum.? Kirsty replied. I imagined they would be hugging right now to comfort each other, or at least to comfort Suzanne.
?So she?s homeless and without a parent or guardian, and you?re her only friend?? asked Suzanne.
?Yes Mum but?? Kirsty sounded like she was about to tell her made up story, that would hopefully make Jaiden?s disappearance in the morning nothing to worry about. But Suzanne answered her own question herself.
?We?re her only hope in this world, sweetheart, we have to protect her. I?d like her to stay here a bit longer so we can sort something out.? Suzanne was speaking with a determined edge to her voice, she was definitely not joking about that.
?I?ll be gone in the morning, I?ll be gone in the morning, I?ll be gone in the morning.? I whispered over and over to myself. ?She?s talking about someone who doesn?t exist.?
?I don?t think that?s necessary Mum.? Kirsty sounded anxious, she was trying her best to make her Mum think Jaiden would be okay. It sounded hopeless to persuade Suzanne otherwise, the story that Kirsty came up with was too sad, nobody would let Jaiden go alone if they heard her story now.
?This isn?t something we can say yes or no to Kirsty, we have to do this. Jaiden won?t survive without our help. How long has she been on her own?? asked a Suzanne whose maternal instincts were going into overdrive.
?Her parents disappeared just after she finished junior school at the beginning of the holidays, so two or three weeks? She?s only eleven but she knows how to survive.?
?I?m twelve, Kirsty, twelve!? I whispered to myself, though I partly wanted Kirsty to hear me.
Kirsty was still pursuing the hopeless goal of making Jaiden look like a natural born survivor, but her mother wasn?t budging.
?My decision is final sweetheart, I know your just defending her, making it sound like she can cope. But you know the truth, she is a frightened little girl who needs us!? she said.
