I Am Not Sure What to Do
I try to stay hopeful and positive. Everything happens for a reason type outlook. But right now I'm just struggling. I lost this last job June 11th, no bills have been paid since because this "man" of mine couldn't take care of ANYTHING. Now that he's gone he left me with all the stress. He got to run away from all the responsibilities because that's what he does. So now I'm behind on all these bills AGAIN, and swearing to myself that I'll never let it go as far as the whole 6 month plus situation I'm blessed enough to only be behind a little but it's all because I decided to help him and my aunt out, using all my recourses to help them and now have nothing for myself. I let him use my car every single day because he of course couldn't handle the responsibility of his own and he drove it to sh!@. I finally get this new job and it's strictly commission but not that busy. What do I do?!! I finally got this and now have to worry about reliable transportation because of some inconsiderate, selfish jerk. And I'm not making anything to even begin paying my bills up to date and now having to get my car fixed 🤬 this job seems so amazing. I've always wanted to feel like I fit in at my workplace and I finally do, I have this INCREDIBLE desk/workplace and a position that allows me to not only improve my existing skills but broaden my skill set and learn new things. I want it to work so badly. But I also don't want to wake up depressed each day not knowing if I'm gonna be able to take care of my responsibilities.. Then there's also the whole thing about God. God can make ANYTHING POSSIBLE. ANYTHING AT ALL. Up to and including this job being all I need it to be. I mean I filled out more applications than I could even count and had no luck. Just nothing at all since June 11th.. Until now. Like He directed me here. Like there is a reason things worked out the way they did and drove me right into this specific business/job position. Maybe just wanting me to trust and believe in Him for all my needs to be met and not worry, but instead go to work each day with a smile and filled with joy and doing the job I am hired to do while these other things just come to me. Just surrendering EVERYTHING to Him, for Him and Him only to control. Depending solely on Him knowing "those who look to Him will lack no good thing".. 🙌💯 I just need to believe, I need to trust, I need to realize that I can not live this life without Him. Without Him it is dull, miserable, depressing, LIFELESS. Maybe I just need to work on my faith and stick to where I'm at right now. Follow it through, trust He is guiding my steps and caring for me the entire way. Maybe looking elsewhere right now for a steady pay job is the wrong move.. I mean if it was meant to be then that's what I would probably have right? After all the applications I've filled out, if I was meant to have a different job I should. It's almost like a miracle that I didn't get any of those jobs. A situation where it seemed impossible to not get anything at all out of it but sure enough, the only bite I got was from a friend who a referred this place that wanted to interview her but she decided to move to Florida instead so told me to go check it out and boom.. Here we are. I JUST DON'T KNOW 🤷♀️