I Handle Physical Pain Better Than Emotional Pain

I met a friend of mine today. She is one who i could feel a great attraction for.

I dont know most people would see her as ideal feminine form but i dont care. Super tall, skinny, not terribly curvey, blonde hair with grey eyes.
Awkward and almost timid (at least arround me)
But when i see her my dreams go wild. I find her attractive in the extreme.

But then it falls appart. I talk to her and she seems to enjoy it but the thoughts start.

So i say goodbye and leave.

Im not wanted. Thats not just negative thinking but learning based on decades of experience.

Ill keep her as my friend as long as she will have me but i know not to reach for more.

Maybe i can at least keep someone who thinks well of me. I doubt it though.