I Am Tangled Up In Blue

I get that none of you (the people who actually know me, & actually care) know what’s going on with me this past while. I’m just not very good at saying it straight ...with regard my own feelings that is.

So, here goes. I was with someone for twenty years. The last lot of those years we weren’t actually a couple. But we grew up together he & I, we were entwined & there was no mistaking it. The last four years he & I lived together I was in love with someone else. This is the person who has my head all messed up now.

20th January this year I left the house & left the entwined relationship completely. 22nd January this year the other relationship ended & there I was. What was I to do now. What am I actually doing now? Like right now? Dunno. Your guess is as good as mine.

So my ex (entwined) just sent me this & I balled crying the entire way through it. Mostly because I feel sorry for myself, which is incredibly self-centred like isn’t it?

[media=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbMwTqkKSps]

When the party’s over - Billie Eilish

Don't you know I'm no good for you?
I've learned to lose you, can't afford to
Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin'
But nothin' ever stops you leavin'
Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that
Don't you know too much already?
I'll only hurt you if you let me
Call me friend but keep me closer (call me back)
And I'll call you when the party's over
Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own
And I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that
Yeah, I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that
But nothing is better sometimes
Once we've both said our goodbyes
Let's just let it go
Let me let you go
Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that.

He sent me that & I made it about myself. Shitty thing to do but that’s what happened.

I’m working through it. Seven stages of grief & all that kinda stuff.

• what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
• life is what happens while we’re busy making plan.
• shut the hell up & get on with it.

I believe ^^^ all that stuff. I do.

I’m purging. This is just me purging. Never mind. Ignore me.

& don’t ever expect me to be this honest again.

Elandra77

I think I like you best this way-honest and all raw emotions. It some how makes you more real . makes anyone more real -as if they are not a facade, a character they portrait online but are far form actually being.

Wow! that is one messy situation. I think that song was sent to evoke emotion-and perhaps generate guilt and maybe even sympathy for him. I have a feeling the sender knew you woudl personify it.

And it's OK! It's OK to be be selfish with our emotions and what is tearing us apart at the seams and it's OK to personify life, stations, songs, and the mere act of living. We need to process. We need to heal. And we need to convince ourselves that w, like the phoenix of old, we will rise again! Stronger? perhaps but it's WISER that we seek!

I was with one for 32 years. I don't think they ever loved me. i believe they were in love--in love WITH THE IDEA of being in love. How blind I was. And how that screwed me up!

I wanted love-and to be loved for the longest time so all poems and love songs were about me. The sad, reflective and happy.

Now I no longer care. Love, the idea and concept behind it has eluded me and so be it. The mess that you are now-I still am.

You will be fine! You got this!