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I Don't Know What to Do

I don't know how to help my husband. Over the last two years or so, he has started becoming somewhat depressed. Once so patient, his temper is getting shorter and shorter. He seems to have lost all motivation to do anything in life, slacks on house work that he's normally done with no problem, no longer works out which he used to enjoy doing, etc. He doesn't drink, or do anything like that. It's like someone flipped a switch one day a couple years ago, and it's just been a downward slope. He picks fights over stupid small things and makes them a big deal. He went through a rough patch where he had been fired from a few different jobs, all for different reasons. He has had a steady job, (A really good paying one at that.) for the last year, so that seems to have leveled out. I know he felt a huge jab to his ego during that time period of losing job after job. Anymore he seems like a shell of himself. In front of our friends and family, he acts like he's perfectly fine. He's funny and social, etc. But then once we're at home, he totally changes. Our fights have become worse and worse, and I've caught him in some lies. Nothing HUGE, but lies nonetheless. Most recently being our water bill. Stupid, right? He's terrible with money, so I handle our finances. He had only the water bill that he would pay every month by dropping in the drop box which is a block away from our house. Long story short, I find out that he missed a few payments because he forgot about it. Our normal $30/month bill snowballed into $500. He started selling personal items behind my back on Craigslist to payoff the bill, hoping I wouldn't find out. He had only been paying our normal $30 so I wouldn't notice more $ missing from our acct. I confronted him about it, and he came clean. But this had been going on for nearly a year. I haven't ever caught him cheating, or talking to other women, nothing like that. He often tells me that he feels lost, and like he just lost his way in life. He doesn't know why he's always so mad. He's tried counseling, and reading the Bible, but they don't seem to help much. FYI, being medicated is NOT an option for him. Some days he feels OK, and others you can tell he's just miserable. I don't know how to help him. I've tried everything I can think of. I bought tickets for a band he likes, took him to a baseball game because he loves the sport, etc. I don't know what else to do. I feel helpless...
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will999 · 70-79, M
Hello AnarchoMetalchic 31-35. There is very little you can do [i]for[/i] him until he is prepared to take action and ask for help on his own account. I have seen some very close friends of mine and even close [i]family members [/i] flush the best part of their life down the toilet, obviously in some sort of a funk. I'm sad to say it did not end well for them. If his mind is completely closed to the possibility of receiving help from anyone else such as a doctor, that possibility does not exist for him.
AnarchoMetalchic · 36-40
@will999 That's the thing is he DOES want help. He's seen a counselor a few times which helped, and now he has to wait for his new insurance at work to kick in. For whatever reason, it's taking FOREVER. I kind of think though that he has this idea that just talking to someone is going to help him and cure his depression. He doesn't want to make changes in his life that would help him. It's so frustrating!
will999 · 70-79, M
@AnarchoMetalchic hello again. You didn't say why being medicated is NOT an option for him. If your husband is suffering from depression medication is a part of the usual treatment plan.
AnarchoMetalchic · 36-40
@will999 I don't believe it's anyone's business why. It just isn't.
will999 · 70-79, M
@AnarchoMetalchic Hello again. Your husband has the right to refuse help altogether for that matter but it may also mean that he remains somewhat depressed, if that really is the problem. I had a brain tumor about 10 years ago now. The first symptoms were much like depression or chronic fatigue, but the medication had no effect whatever which was proof positive to my doctor that he had to consider another possible cause of my symptoms. I was lucky, I made a complete recovery after surgery. Had I refused treatment I may not even be alive today. I am not still taking anti-depressive medication because I don't still have depression like symptoms. Perhaps I misunderstood your post. I assumed you wanted to help your husband.
AnarchoMetalchic · 36-40
@will999 He's open to help, but will not be medicated.
will999 · 70-79, M
@AnarchoMetalchic Hi again. Let's just [i]HOPE[/i] he survives this ordeal.
AnarchoMetalchic · 36-40
@will999Oh he'll survive just fine. He's not clinically depressed or suicidal or anything. He's just been down. We're now trying different holistic approaches, which so far have been helping.