Can someone explain to me what is "extreme fear of abandonment"?
What does a person with extreme fear of abandonment do?
31-35
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Paintedfox · 36-40, F
I push people away. Even when they say the love me I dont believe them, which eventually does push them away and confirms my fears. I constantly want love but believe I will die alone. Its a living nightmare that no one has the patience for. Nobody gives a fuck if your broken.
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Paintedfox · 36-40, F
@Ryannnnnn my family abandoned me for not pretending its okay that my uncle molested all of us. My dad abandoned me, abuse, neglect. Then you start to welcome people that are going to hurt you. Its all you know. Then you end up alone and in pain and people only want to judge you for who you turned out to be whether you like yourself or not.
Paintedfox · 36-40, F
@Ryannnnnn I just want love
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
Usually either push people away through fear of pain or it can manifest as very controlling, manipulative and desperate behaviour which in turn also pushes the person away. It's sad because it's basically a self fulfilling loop people can get trapped in. A lot of it stems from abandonment and low self worth. It's also usually a big part of BPD (borderline personality disorder).
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
@Ryannnnnn Thank you. This is a great explanation. I watched videos on BPD in the past week and tried to understand this PD more.
I wonder about it because I think I have emotional dysregulation and perhaps that's the reason why emotional intimacy gives me anxiety and I keep some people at arm's length but when I hear about BPD it sounds thousand times more intense and worse. The problem is, you can never compare how intense someone's feelings are and what is a matter of one's temperament and what is already a disorder.
I wonder about it because I think I have emotional dysregulation and perhaps that's the reason why emotional intimacy gives me anxiety and I keep some people at arm's length but when I hear about BPD it sounds thousand times more intense and worse. The problem is, you can never compare how intense someone's feelings are and what is a matter of one's temperament and what is already a disorder.
Peppa · 31-35, F
Sabotage. They get a feeling that the person is pulling away. They suddenly remember what it felt like when they were abandoned. It's like a deep desire to not feel that pain. They can get clingy forcing distance, or they start to shut down over analysing everything until one day their mind is overwhelmed and boom they're gone.
They rather end things then be hurt.
They rather end things then be hurt.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
@Peppa This is interesting because I thought it was opposite reaction. That this person would do anything to keep the one they are attached to around even if it means self-disrespect, extreme pleasing of others or making public scenes, even threatening suicide.
plungesponge · 41-45, M
Sublearner · 31-35, F
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
@Sublearner What kind of rejection? Rejection of people you are emotionally attached or rejection in general?
I am scared of rejection in general but not because I am afraid of being abandoned. It has more to do with inferiority complex for me, I guess. I can't be afraid of being abandoned if I don't form an attachment. Yet even rejection from a stranger hurts. Because there's a bug in my mind that sometimes makes me unable to distinguish who should matter to me and who not.
So I avoid.
I am scared of rejection in general but not because I am afraid of being abandoned. It has more to do with inferiority complex for me, I guess. I can't be afraid of being abandoned if I don't form an attachment. Yet even rejection from a stranger hurts. Because there's a bug in my mind that sometimes makes me unable to distinguish who should matter to me and who not.
So I avoid.
CestManan · 46-50, F
Do not forget though that people in general are assholes.
We want friendships but what we want is the ideal version.
What typically happens is drama OR people just waiting to pounce the moment our back is turned, like the kleptomaniacs who are chomping at the bit to rip off anyone who trusts them for a second.
We want friendships but what we want is the ideal version.
What typically happens is drama OR people just waiting to pounce the moment our back is turned, like the kleptomaniacs who are chomping at the bit to rip off anyone who trusts them for a second.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
@CestManan But that's life. 🤷♀️
Sublearner · 31-35, F
Any I meant.