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This hurts and I see it.. but even when I see it I don’t really see it..

I know everything that I need yet lack access to the majority of these things..

So the question is, what does one do then??

If I know I need a friend in person.. to hang out with.. turn on movies.. go on walks.. just feel their presence in my life.. not cuz I need it all the time but because this is something I need in the here and now.. to get better.. because it’s been so lacking in my life for years now.. and things have hit that rock bottom point.. and it’s help me climb back to the top..

So my mind thinks if alternative solutions and these are possible and I formulate the hows and why’s and ways.. but there’s a key factor to this.. accessibility and timing..

We live in an era and even more surprisingly.. predicament in which people are indoors because they have to be.. And we do have the technology to do these things to an extent.. games with internet etc.. movies.. music..

But what about the physical jokes where you smack them with a pillow.. what about the walk under the same setting sun?

I need something good to pull through.. a few things at once..

Every time I give up I get worse.. I need to find more hope.. more evidence to hope..I need to become more grateful..

But at the same time.. I know I need things to rejuvenate the sparks within me..

 
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