If you haven't notice yet, I do have anger issues. I once, much younger, never let bullies, mean people get the best of me. If I had, I would not be here. I'd be died or in jail. When I was younger, I was pretty passive aggressive kind of gal. BUT now a days, there is a slow boil in me. My best friend asked me, what am I mad at? I ask her, why do you ask? She said..I hear it in you. You got a chip on your shoulders. Wellll…. thank you for that information! Now I am starting to interact here on the social sites once again. I see bullies, mean people, hateful souls causing havoc, sorrow, hurt feelings... I just want to lash-out! I am seeing this in me now. I feel my body heating up when I see bad things. I should be "conditioned" by now to this in life!!! When and where this came about, why did I change...thinking... Still thinking.... Sure, I should ignore them, pray for them, help..maybe. Evil chuckle... sigh Ain't going to happen. I think I've just had too much penned-up anger all my life. Now I know the meaning of what a grumpy old lady is!!!
All that angst, all that anger you hold inside you ...at things you cannot change...is toxic ONLY to you...the ones who infuriate you just go along oblivious. Also, that kind of anger very often manifests as physical illness and the alienation of other decent humans. Been there Echo. Lost years and good people because I was so angry at what happened to me as a kid, people couldn't be around me and my "chip".Fortunately, one friend said to me, " I love you...but, Ican't be around you anymore because you are too angry",, I heard that and could suddenly see my own behavior, only then could I begin to let it all go... You can let that anger go. You can and you must. We don't have that many years left...is this the way you want to spend them? Pissed off about things that you cannot change? Is that not a waste of life?
(hug) @Fernie damn-it.. now you made me cry! Thank you! I am truly working on it. Trying to cause I do have a blessed life now. That is what gets me. Why now do I have these emotions? I guess I always have..maybe..lol… yes I have. Unsolved issues that I can not do a thing about.. No, I do not want to carry this any longer. So... what am I to do with this pain in my butt emotion? Once again Fernie, thanks!
@Echoing Don't stop trying to cleanse your soul Echo. Mindfulness is the way....hearing and seeing the anger when it wells up and rears it's ugly head...that is the moment you get rational and change the thoughts, reminding yourself how toxic they are...we ALL have the ability to change thoughts but we don't know it. Ok, done preaching. Keep trying
When I get mad I start reciting my favorite Moloko lyrics: "I dream that I am spying, it's you I'm looking at. There's a knocking at the window, a rat tat tat tat a rat tat tat."
