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I Am Proud of Something I Did

This morning I made a decision. It wasn't an easy decision but it was one that had to be made. I've been stuck in an on-again / off-again "relationship" for the last 18 months and it has been wearing me down slowly but surely. Draining the last remnants of my already shaky self esteem until there is pretty much nothing left.

This morning I saw the man in question and without sounding melodramatic, without any tears or emotion, I told him that I deserve more than what we have going on and then if he isn't up to the task he should leave and not return.

It hurt! It hurt like mad! Laying yourself bare like that to someone. Telling them that they are the person you want and not really knowing whether they want you in the same way but telling them anyway, hoping that they will chose you.

In my mind I know it's over but my stupid heart hopes that he will indeed pick me.
RubySoo · 56-60, F
Sounds like you are not yet ready to let go of hope yet. You're lying to yourself it's over....but...its a step in the right direction. You will probably do this a good few times...and each time the realisation that it's not worth holding on to will kick in and one day...possibly when u least expect it...it will finally hit you....I really really do not need this! ! And you'll be stron enough at last to end it and mean it x
SW-User
@Ruby ... There is always hope. But I have made the decision and it's final. If I don't hear from him today, I will block/delete/move on. It will be tough but it will get done.

@MM ... Thanks, I will need all the strength I can get!!
RubySoo · 56-60, F
I spent yrs hoping...hurting. I made that final decision more than once!! But...Eventually knew for sure it was the right time...and stuck by my decision. Once I'd decided for sure it began to get easier. Hugs and strength to you x
xladixdisillusionedx · 31-35, F
Sending good vibes your way.

At least you know what you need and in the end your happiness is what matters. I'm glad you are making moves to make it happen for you.
DIMaverick4 · 41-45, M
I hope for you he does .. but I guess since the situation had to come to this, there is far more complication than a simplistic choice of you in his life .. I pray for your strength .. Hugs!
SW-User
This is intense and your honesty is admirable. It's not too much to ask for him to choose you and make a commitment.... Be a man about it...

 
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