I Want to Live In the Wilderness

Dear, whomever may be reading this.

I am currently a university freshman who's feeling extremely stressed and anxious at the moment. So, here is my rant.

Basically, I'm a person who just wants to live in the wild. I cannot take sitting hours at a time staring at gray walls and computer screens. I'm tired of going each day to work or college barely seeing the light of day, nevermind breathe fresh air.

I can't take it anymore. The hours of lecture, hours of doing assignments and study, hours of working without seeing plants. The trees are even starting to look foreign to me and strange.

I don't even know if I can live in the wild anymore. This shit for called society decided that making people's lives their business, and working for nothing until death is the 'better' option. They stripped the wilderness of its natural resources, claim land, and restrict hunting because of their own causes instead of living sustainably.
I rather die of disease or get mauled by a bear knowing that I at least lived, but I guess that's out of the option because now I don't even know if I'll get food and supplies from this damn system.

After the beginning of college I had to go to the hospital because of a panic/anxiety attack. I had another panic attack at home from the amount of workload and stress from college, after I found myself having stomach pains, and one morning I found out that I pissed myself in my sleep from so much stress..

I want to quit college, but I'm worried that I might regret the rest of my life for it. I want job security with a degree, but I just can't take this much pressure anymore. My family will shun me for quitting, I'll hate myself for being a failure.

I feel like I'm going crazy, trapped in a box all day. I barely have time for myself, and wasn't able to shower for a week. These people are the real insanity for putting this much work and hours to cram everything in our heads. I just can't take it anymore. All of it. And yeah, I probably thought about suicide. Who hasn't? Seems like a more relaxing thing than living in this hell.

Well, that's my story. Stuck in this concrete prison, and feel like there's no way out..

BiasForAction · M

Transfer to a college where you can be outdoors.
College of the Atlantic where every student studies human ecology

Carissimi · 70-79, F

I hear you. You obviously are not a fit with societal norms, which are far from sane or normal. As J. Krishnamurti said, "it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

Society makes my head swim. I have opted out, but you still have to make a living. I could say follow your heart, but that may not put food on the table. It is a dilemma. In some ways, I'm glad to be older. Good luck!

hippyjoe1955 · 61-69, M

As one who has lived in the wilderness I can say that someone prone to panic attacks is not likely to make it in the wilderness. Wilderness living is very stressful what with keeping warm/cool getting food and water in a very variable environment. (suddenly there is no food or warmth available when you need it most.