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I Am A Victim Of Emotional Abuse And Verbal Abuse

My mom was verbally abusive. It was hurtful and made me cry. You would think I would be attracted to nice women who would treat me kindly. No, I am attracted to women who verbally abuse me.

The woman who was most cruel to me is the one I am most drawn towards. Her verbal abuse is especially stinging. She has called me ugly and a loser. Like my mom, she has a drinking problem and gets all the meaner when she drinks. Yet I feel very connected to her. She sent me a valentines card and told me she loves me. I know she really does, more than anyone she has ever met and I feel the same way about her.

I have broken up with her before because her abuse was too much for me. Now I miss everything about her,even her abuse. If we get together again I will try to take her abuse with a grain of salt. I just need to be calm and realize no matter what she is saying she is with the person she loves the most.

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SoFine · 46-50, F

The itch that will always be an itch. Living in the same sense of self, a self defined by blame and punishment. Has it not become stale and stagnant, to still be always at the effect of seeking love with strings attached. Strings of the same over and over.

Let the past be, that at the effect of been punished, is the only servival of a self, a self established by a young man/boy trying to survive in a dysfunction family. It is so familiar that you cling to, you stay a victim, living the same over and over.

Time to step from the shadow of the same. To reclaim a self that validates itself for been free from past chldhood pains. You to you is your life foundation, your love of your self, will free you from the same life over and over.

To be free
To be....if you dare to.