I Am A Victim Of Emotional Abuse And Verbal Abuse

I don't know how i should face this situation right now .

i was always a happy kid . i live with my mom and brother , my dad goes on a duty.
i have a pretty solid life i could say . i'm being in touch with my family , and surrounds myself with good friends .

my dad always on duty , he's in the military . i barely meet him , maybe only 4 times a year . i never realize that his absence affecting my family's emotional life . i used to be okay , but the more i know , the more i'm being mentally unstable . so is my mom , she's always an angel but not so much now.

she's emotionally abuse me . she don't even trust me . she would throwing tantrum all over me when she got uncomfortable . it bother me so much specially when i'm on my unstable state . today , she got mad at me for no particular reason and it makes me so sad . so sad that i can't even believe that she's the woman that have raised me since i'm a baby .

i have a vivid dreams of the future , but her words just spread like an epidemic virus . she's breaking me from the inside . i feel so suicidal right now . i feel like i just need to sleep forever . i feel so used.

i'm extremely disappointed with her , yet she blame me for everything .