My boy this what I couldn't tell you

My son, the first time I saw you..I really saw the world for what a majestic place it can be, that it held so much beauty in such little a package, today I said goodbye to you.. today I said goodbye to a bigger part of myself than I can bare to understand, I still see you all around me, in everything, from the moving shadows, to the tiny voice your mouth made. I still feel you around, and yet I can't bare myself to walk back to that house.

My son, the first time I held you I knew the world was better place, in my arms you were everything, so what do I do, without a heart?, what do I do without my will?

My son, God has taken you away from me, and I hate him so much for it, I begged and screamed, I bargained with him, Take my arms, my legs my mouth and my flesh. leave me broken and torn but give everything I have to him. But he didn't listen, he didn't answer.

and I hate you so much, I hate your mysterious ways, your unknown answers in the wind.

My son, every time I see your mother I see you in her, you know she says the same?..everytime she looks at me..she sees you, and we can't even know look at each other in the eyes. and now..there is no life in us.
we will go our separate ways, and the world will continue to spin, without you and I hate that as well.

My son, wherever you are don't forget me, don't forget me, please.
there is no gun on my lap, no knife..but I still the life flowing away from me in every single breathe I take.

I'm sick of it, God of Gods, verb made flesh, King of kings, take your crown and smite me, turn me to dust, take away this shell of a man, into oblivion.
But I guess you won't listen and you won't answer as well.

My son, if hell awaits for me and my sins, then I will climb and fight, I will drag myself from that pit, just to see you one more time.

My son I love you.
So much.