I Need a Change
Things are starting to hurt again. My life is not meant to be this way. I have tried over and over to "advance" myself, the opportunities have presented themselves, I've worked hard and accomplished a lot. But the "higher I climb", the harder it is to breathe. Everything I've earned is measured and scrutinized and watched. I don't quite understand my issues yet. It's very obvious however, that anything you can earn in this life can easily become obsolete. Like a fart in the wind. With a spark, with weathering, with a tiny little perception... All that's left are your core values. The human part. And I don't think many humans value what they should. Yet the weight of the world shifts every time the masses move. One minute you're hot shit, the next you're just shit. And if you can't preform everyday for them, little monkey in a cage, you lose all your appeal. Lose your appeal, you're nothing to them.
Well fine. I'm nuthin. Good.
I can't play games anymore. Even being on here, people tell you you're a friend but if you don't agree on everything or keep up with their needs, you stop communicating. It's too much negativity everywhere.
My Mom is dying and chose to stick up for her narcissistic, rude, mooch of a husband while he was laying in to me about being wrong on something I had researched and was sure of. She'll die in her bed alone soon and I won't be there. She always chose to pamper her dependent whims. I choose my health. And mostly, my son and our happiness.
I can't stay here anymore and I can't live like this. I don't want to feel worthless and angry and that's up to me. I can easily remove myself from everyone's life. No one would even miss me. But I'm still not worthless.
Well fine. I'm nuthin. Good.
I can't play games anymore. Even being on here, people tell you you're a friend but if you don't agree on everything or keep up with their needs, you stop communicating. It's too much negativity everywhere.
My Mom is dying and chose to stick up for her narcissistic, rude, mooch of a husband while he was laying in to me about being wrong on something I had researched and was sure of. She'll die in her bed alone soon and I won't be there. She always chose to pamper her dependent whims. I choose my health. And mostly, my son and our happiness.
I can't stay here anymore and I can't live like this. I don't want to feel worthless and angry and that's up to me. I can easily remove myself from everyone's life. No one would even miss me. But I'm still not worthless.
