I Am Tired of Feeling Tired
Every day is so hard....I struggle to do the most basic things....my mind turns every minor task into a million overwhelming steps. It is a battle to get through the day. Some days my narcolepsy medication seems to work better than others and I have energy. Some days my brain is in a total fog and it is exhausting even to move.
My sleep is entirely erratic. Some nights I sleep well. But those are rare nights. Tonight I was up all night with stress. Often I'm left tossing and turning with stress and self loathing over past mistakes I've made. It doesn't help that I am constantly running to the bathroom with my overactive bladder + ongoing uti that did not go away with antibiotics the last time so doctors just dismissed it until I finally stood up for myself. It also doesn't help that when I fall asleep I often am plagued by nightmares.
I can't control myself when it comes to my diet no matter how hard I try and I eat crap again and again and end up disgusted with myself and my body. Every time I see my body it stresses me out and upsets me.
I find myself obsessing over demons and the devil lately it consumes nearly every thought I have and it's exhausting.
This is no way to live. When did things get so terrible? Was it always like this and I just didn't realize because it was such a huge improvement over what I'd been dealing with previously? I don't know but things need to change.
My sleep is entirely erratic. Some nights I sleep well. But those are rare nights. Tonight I was up all night with stress. Often I'm left tossing and turning with stress and self loathing over past mistakes I've made. It doesn't help that I am constantly running to the bathroom with my overactive bladder + ongoing uti that did not go away with antibiotics the last time so doctors just dismissed it until I finally stood up for myself. It also doesn't help that when I fall asleep I often am plagued by nightmares.
I can't control myself when it comes to my diet no matter how hard I try and I eat crap again and again and end up disgusted with myself and my body. Every time I see my body it stresses me out and upsets me.
I find myself obsessing over demons and the devil lately it consumes nearly every thought I have and it's exhausting.
This is no way to live. When did things get so terrible? Was it always like this and I just didn't realize because it was such a huge improvement over what I'd been dealing with previously? I don't know but things need to change.
