I Learned to Let Go
Moving On Is A Simple Thing, What It Leaves Behind Is Hard...
I thought that I was trying to let go, but I was actually trying to hold on. What I wanted had already been promised to me when we both promised it to each other before god and all our family and friends. When he broke that promise he destroyed me and I thought that he should be the one to fix me. When he left, he took a piece of me with him and because I felt so hollow inside, I thought that he had taken the last bit of me that I had left…. But I was wrong…
What he really took with him was an obstruction, the huge piece of crap that had been blocking my airway. Because I couldn’t breath for so long, my lungs had atrophied and it took me a few days to realize that what he took had opened up a passageway that had been hidden for so long that I had forgotten that it even existed. All this time that I had been in misery, lost and confused, not knowing which way was up or down… All wasted because I didn’t even know I was missing. I found myself inside this, now unblocked passageway, and I picked myself up, dusted me off a bit, and now…. I am me again….
I knew the whole time that I had changed, and I knew that I wanted to go back to being the person I was before, but I didn’t even know where to begin…. My mom always told me that you can’t see the trees through the forest, which is to say, that if you are in the middle of a situation, it is difficult to see the whole picture. I never fully understood why until I was able to take accountability for the role that I played in my own dysfunction. Only then was I able to accept things for what they were, forgive people for what they had done and move on from the endless frustration of trying to fix someone that did not want to be fixed. By choosing to take accountability for my own actions, forgive others for theirs and accepting the reality of my powerlessness over the situation… I learned to let go…
When the Japanese mend broken ob<x>jects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. So this journey of self-actualization that has been forced upon me past through like a hurricane tearing away everything except the things that cannot be torn so that I can see myself as I really am
I thought that I was trying to let go, but I was actually trying to hold on. What I wanted had already been promised to me when we both promised it to each other before god and all our family and friends. When he broke that promise he destroyed me and I thought that he should be the one to fix me. When he left, he took a piece of me with him and because I felt so hollow inside, I thought that he had taken the last bit of me that I had left…. But I was wrong…
What he really took with him was an obstruction, the huge piece of crap that had been blocking my airway. Because I couldn’t breath for so long, my lungs had atrophied and it took me a few days to realize that what he took had opened up a passageway that had been hidden for so long that I had forgotten that it even existed. All this time that I had been in misery, lost and confused, not knowing which way was up or down… All wasted because I didn’t even know I was missing. I found myself inside this, now unblocked passageway, and I picked myself up, dusted me off a bit, and now…. I am me again….
I knew the whole time that I had changed, and I knew that I wanted to go back to being the person I was before, but I didn’t even know where to begin…. My mom always told me that you can’t see the trees through the forest, which is to say, that if you are in the middle of a situation, it is difficult to see the whole picture. I never fully understood why until I was able to take accountability for the role that I played in my own dysfunction. Only then was I able to accept things for what they were, forgive people for what they had done and move on from the endless frustration of trying to fix someone that did not want to be fixed. By choosing to take accountability for my own actions, forgive others for theirs and accepting the reality of my powerlessness over the situation… I learned to let go…
When the Japanese mend broken ob<x>jects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. So this journey of self-actualization that has been forced upon me past through like a hurricane tearing away everything except the things that cannot be torn so that I can see myself as I really am
41-45, F
