I Hide Who I Really Am From Most

Well, if you ask anyone, I'm a high spirited joyful person who likes making people laugh. Well for starters I hate people, no one trusts me enough to tell me the truth, and no one(except for one person) has truly understand me and cared about me. I've lived with depression for quite a long time, I've tried to commit suicide many times (as you can see, didn't work), I've tried to act as a mad person so that they'll take me to the psychology house, but my parents are "wonderful" and "caring" people so I'm strapped here. All my life experience has made me a bad person, I usually can control myself but it's not easy. Is there anyone like that?