I Prefer A Relationship Over Dating
2 REASONS YOU MIGHT STILL BE SINGLE: Great article - very insightful.
http://www.thebookoflife.org/two-reasons-why-you-might-still-be-single/
Apart from that I observed this. Can't comment on men, haven't dated them. But I found two dating strategies among women that I think were a bit flawed:
1. THE LIST: Some women have a list, a set of selection criteria. It's so long, and often full of petty ridiculous things that they 'won't tolerate'. I wonder how many amazing people they've filtered out before they really got to know them? Well, life isn't like that. Often you meet someone and you adjust to each other in ways you didn't expect. Keep the list short - character: honesty, integrity, maturity, values - these really count. Then use imagination (see the article).
2. THE CONNECTION: Yes, connection is at the heart of a relationship. But instead, on the first date - nah, no connection. Move on. I'll know when it's right, they tell themselves just before their fortieth birthday.
But that's not how life works. In most real life love stories, connection does NOT always happen on a first date. It often develops with someone at work or somewhere, where you get to know them over time. Some people SUCK at first dates - often the deeper people or introverts. How many love stories never happened because there was no instant connection? The woman who has captured my heart met me and we had a first date. She said sorry, no, there was no connection. She found me interesting though, and said she was happy to do something like visit a winery. Interesting turned to fascination (nah, no idea why) turned to connection turned to connection to smitten ... and soon, marriage. (Ok, I was smitten from the start, so different experience for me.)
Connection takes time. Oh, and if you wake up one day and you are no longer in love with your spouse, but you once had a connection - then forget your feelings and fix it. You can rediscover that connection.
http://www.thebookoflife.org/two-reasons-why-you-might-still-be-single/
Apart from that I observed this. Can't comment on men, haven't dated them. But I found two dating strategies among women that I think were a bit flawed:
1. THE LIST: Some women have a list, a set of selection criteria. It's so long, and often full of petty ridiculous things that they 'won't tolerate'. I wonder how many amazing people they've filtered out before they really got to know them? Well, life isn't like that. Often you meet someone and you adjust to each other in ways you didn't expect. Keep the list short - character: honesty, integrity, maturity, values - these really count. Then use imagination (see the article).
2. THE CONNECTION: Yes, connection is at the heart of a relationship. But instead, on the first date - nah, no connection. Move on. I'll know when it's right, they tell themselves just before their fortieth birthday.
But that's not how life works. In most real life love stories, connection does NOT always happen on a first date. It often develops with someone at work or somewhere, where you get to know them over time. Some people SUCK at first dates - often the deeper people or introverts. How many love stories never happened because there was no instant connection? The woman who has captured my heart met me and we had a first date. She said sorry, no, there was no connection. She found me interesting though, and said she was happy to do something like visit a winery. Interesting turned to fascination (nah, no idea why) turned to connection turned to connection to smitten ... and soon, marriage. (Ok, I was smitten from the start, so different experience for me.)
Connection takes time. Oh, and if you wake up one day and you are no longer in love with your spouse, but you once had a connection - then forget your feelings and fix it. You can rediscover that connection.
61-69, M
