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I Just Want to Say

For the first time in forever, after watching all day series, not eating or just even not getting out of bed, I don't feel like I wasted my time or that I'm wasting my life. I feel like I'm beginning to accept myself, for who I am and for my decisions, because I can see that even though I didn't do much today, on a grand scale, in my life right now, I'm doing a lot of things, accomplishing and I'm actually following a plan, drawn out by myself.
Moreover I believe I had an epiphany today. After all of these years of asking questions, looking into myself and observing others, I finally realized what is the key to happiness. And the funniest thing that it was always here, right under our noses. The key to happiness is fear. We've been pushing it so desperately out of our lives, trying to cover it with alcohol, anxiety pills, etc. Or pretend that it's not real, just to undermine its power. But it was the answer all along. Our greatest enemy was our greatest friend all this time.
To explain it in short, I noticed that when I overcome fear, it's when I feel most energized, if it's a big thing. If it's something smaller, I still feel empowered and that I'm actually accomplishing things. Dealing with failure is another story, but I try to accept it as well, as part of the journey and not outcast it, just like we've been doing with fear or other hurtful things. Try to understand it and a lot more strength comes from it. Also going over these small obstacles, daily, is what fills up my life I believe. It's what keeps me from going crazy from the routine or from feeling horrible about not doing enough with my life.
Just realizing this makes me more confident and certain about my future and where I'm heading.
marsbar · F
I’m glad you’ve come to this realization that the little things can make you happy & that life doesn’t have to be all perfect & grand because it never will be. And any failure is a potential learning experience. :)
Dan193 · 26-30, M
@marsbar yes, that's true
SW-User
wow you’re woke tbh what Id give to be financially independent enough to sleep in
Dan193 · 26-30, M
@SW-User I commend you for not going easy on yourself and keep pushing it. It was just a day off after a night out with some co-workers. They invited me to karaoke. I didn't really want to go, because I can't sing for the life of me, but I thought it would be impolite to refuse. Also I didn't want to be one of those people that makes stuff up, just to not show up. In the end it was fun and I'm glad I went.
SW-User
@Dan193 props to you for going, Im just so bipolar I keep cancelling and I think its gonna cost me in the long run lmao
Dan193 · 26-30, M
@SW-User Yeah, I get it. I changed my mind a couple of times right before heading out. But I'm glad I had the courage to follow through. Looks like without realizing it, yesterday was an example of overcoming fear in order to be happier and more content with myself afterwards, just like I put it in this story.
Dan193 · 26-30, M
@lovelywarpedlemon That's quite interesting. While I don't like the feeling, I see the necessity.

 
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