I Hurt My Friend By Saying The Wrong Thing
Wrong things in this specific scenario.... I don't want to get too deep into it but basically I think I lost a good friend of mine today by saying the wrong things.
A little backstory; Recently we once again discussed having feelings for one another and decided to try naturally working through our feelings as friends.... Bad idea. Conversations felt like an obligation once again, and, well, it really took a toll on me. She'd sit and wait for me to respond for as long as 20 minutes sometimes on FB (the read sign would immediately go off). It got annoying having to consistently respond to her messages every 5 minutes lest I wanted to feel bad. Still, I will admit that we only really had a few really good talks during this time, most of the other ones were pretty much just forced with "How are you"'s and "Wyd tomorrow"'s. By the end, I was asking for alot out of her since she was always demanding for alot of my time on a daily basis. You can interpret that as you will. But I most certainly cannot excuse the way I handled what was going on. I could have done alot of things better, and asked for alot less. There is simply no excusing my behavior. I can't help but mindlessly reflect on the kind of friend I was to her.
Anyways, let me just get to the overall story of my miscommunication. Today, I woke up a bit later than usual and decided go to my friend's house since I haven't seen him for a while. On the way there, I'm texting with her and she's doing something entirely new that she never talked about wanting to try before. Hooray, new topic of discussion! When asking her about it, she begins thinking I don't approve of it/am trying to be controlling over her. I simply just wanted to understand where she got her interest from, I wasn't trying to stop her from doing it at all. I even complimented her by telling her she's the committed type when it comes to sticking with things. I was walking to my friend's house during this entire conversation too nonetheless so I'm not really paying a whole lot of attention to what I'm saying versus if I'm indoors and sitting down; I wasn't giving the motivation I would normally give if I was at home it seemed. At the end of the conversation, I forgot to tell her I loved her too before leaving (I didn't see the ily at all when I first saw the message tbh) Well, later on when I get home I see I'm blocked on Facebook. Knowing she's mad, I decide to just send her a "Hey" text instead of immediately trying to jump into an argument. She ignores my text message. Here I am now obsessing over whether she's done with me for real or not.
I love this person as a friend. She's one of the sweetest, most genuine people I know. And this is the first time she's ever blocked me on anything ever. So with that in mind, there's a potential possibility that her father may have found out about the more diry stuff we talk about through text? They're a devout christian family, so the father can be pretty controlling according to what she's told me in the past. Either way, I feel a huge sense of uneasiness. What if the Dad tries to contact someone in my family through Facebook? What if I never hear from her again? Will it be a good thing? Did I do that much damage to her mentally? Or does she simply want time away from me for a bit in order to finally get over me? (Hoping this one's the case) Overall, I feel a load of anxiety over the entire situation. What are your opinions on this?
A little backstory; Recently we once again discussed having feelings for one another and decided to try naturally working through our feelings as friends.... Bad idea. Conversations felt like an obligation once again, and, well, it really took a toll on me. She'd sit and wait for me to respond for as long as 20 minutes sometimes on FB (the read sign would immediately go off). It got annoying having to consistently respond to her messages every 5 minutes lest I wanted to feel bad. Still, I will admit that we only really had a few really good talks during this time, most of the other ones were pretty much just forced with "How are you"'s and "Wyd tomorrow"'s. By the end, I was asking for alot out of her since she was always demanding for alot of my time on a daily basis. You can interpret that as you will. But I most certainly cannot excuse the way I handled what was going on. I could have done alot of things better, and asked for alot less. There is simply no excusing my behavior. I can't help but mindlessly reflect on the kind of friend I was to her.
Anyways, let me just get to the overall story of my miscommunication. Today, I woke up a bit later than usual and decided go to my friend's house since I haven't seen him for a while. On the way there, I'm texting with her and she's doing something entirely new that she never talked about wanting to try before. Hooray, new topic of discussion! When asking her about it, she begins thinking I don't approve of it/am trying to be controlling over her. I simply just wanted to understand where she got her interest from, I wasn't trying to stop her from doing it at all. I even complimented her by telling her she's the committed type when it comes to sticking with things. I was walking to my friend's house during this entire conversation too nonetheless so I'm not really paying a whole lot of attention to what I'm saying versus if I'm indoors and sitting down; I wasn't giving the motivation I would normally give if I was at home it seemed. At the end of the conversation, I forgot to tell her I loved her too before leaving (I didn't see the ily at all when I first saw the message tbh) Well, later on when I get home I see I'm blocked on Facebook. Knowing she's mad, I decide to just send her a "Hey" text instead of immediately trying to jump into an argument. She ignores my text message. Here I am now obsessing over whether she's done with me for real or not.
I love this person as a friend. She's one of the sweetest, most genuine people I know. And this is the first time she's ever blocked me on anything ever. So with that in mind, there's a potential possibility that her father may have found out about the more diry stuff we talk about through text? They're a devout christian family, so the father can be pretty controlling according to what she's told me in the past. Either way, I feel a huge sense of uneasiness. What if the Dad tries to contact someone in my family through Facebook? What if I never hear from her again? Will it be a good thing? Did I do that much damage to her mentally? Or does she simply want time away from me for a bit in order to finally get over me? (Hoping this one's the case) Overall, I feel a load of anxiety over the entire situation. What are your opinions on this?
22-25, M
