I Struggle With Life
I know it sounds pretty pathetic, but I do. Everything is a struggle, everything is hard for me.
Because of where I live, the simplest things become problems, I think 7 times before I decide to leave my room to get some water, I have to sit quietly and listen if someone's in the hall before I go to the bathroom. I can't invite my boyfriend to come over, he only visits me when I'm alone and it's a very rare situation. When he's here we can't relax, we always listen if the elevator is moving, he sneaks out of the apartment before I leave, we never leave together. I would be in trouble for taking a nap, for playing a video game, for getting caught meditating or praying. What people take for granted, is a struggle for me, it's something I need a plan and preparation for.
My health is so weird and unstable now, the stress is killing me, I'm often in pain and I'm battling anxiety/panic attacks lately.
I worry about the future so much, there are so many things I'm afraid of, I try to take life day by day without worrying about what's gonna happen, but it's super hard to do. I'm often scared nearly to death when I think about where I'll be in my life in a few years, I'm scared of my worries becoming a real life.
Because of where I live, the simplest things become problems, I think 7 times before I decide to leave my room to get some water, I have to sit quietly and listen if someone's in the hall before I go to the bathroom. I can't invite my boyfriend to come over, he only visits me when I'm alone and it's a very rare situation. When he's here we can't relax, we always listen if the elevator is moving, he sneaks out of the apartment before I leave, we never leave together. I would be in trouble for taking a nap, for playing a video game, for getting caught meditating or praying. What people take for granted, is a struggle for me, it's something I need a plan and preparation for.
My health is so weird and unstable now, the stress is killing me, I'm often in pain and I'm battling anxiety/panic attacks lately.
I worry about the future so much, there are so many things I'm afraid of, I try to take life day by day without worrying about what's gonna happen, but it's super hard to do. I'm often scared nearly to death when I think about where I'll be in my life in a few years, I'm scared of my worries becoming a real life.
31-35, F
