I Am Self Conscious

I’ve always had high hopes for my life, but as I age, my disappointment grows. Maybe I had my hopes too high, or my whole life too planned out. I try and try to “go with the flow” but I can’t.

Today I’m feeling sad about my life. My brother is dating a girl my age. Great right? No. Another person my parents can obsess over and compare me too. I’ve always wanted to stand out, I feel ignorance deep within me. But for some reason, I blend in. I don’t care what people say about how great I am, I’m not special, i don’t matter, I’m not what they want me to be. Maybe one day I’ll find some sort of magical signifajce and it will heal me and I’ll be happy. But for now, I’m loved, I’m cared about... but don’t you dare say I matter because I don’t. I’ve never been somebody’s number 1 and I never will be, because that’s the type of person I am. I love myself, I love who I am, I love that I love old and nostalgic music, clothing... I love how I’m kind hearted and caring, I love how I’m a genuine friend. But my family and friends have made me hate myself. It doesn’t matter how nice you are, if you were born a certain way you’ll be that way forever. I was never popular in elementary school or high school, or the workplace of my first and second job.

So to my brothers girlfriend, it’s not personal, it’s just I feel shit about myself and your going to make me even for invisible

english · 56-60, M

That has got to feel better ,you carrying all that around in your body ,all hate and despair ,its killin you your stuck spinning your wheels,there is nt anything anyone tonight can say that will change a thing in your life ,you wont let it, judge and jury. So where do you go from here believing what you do ? somewhere in there you wanted help or you would nt have written such soul destroying letter ,I dont care how wicked you think you are ,i hope someone can reach you tonight, no one should ever have to carry all pain alone. take care english ( pm me if you want to tell wrong i am)

Repete · 61-69, M

Like to hear it or not you are young and you make a bigger difference than you think. I don't know you but this post says you are loved and loving . You have to be true to you in time you will stand out as a beautiful young lady that knows who and what she wants and what she is. Good luck and best wishes.🙂