I Don't Drink
God I'm absolutely going to hell I'm sorry guys.
I was at my friend's engagement party on Thursday, and everybody was going to do cheers with these nasty shoes of blue tequila, but I don't drink (especially not tequila, blue or otherwise) so I grabbed a piece of bread from the basket on the table and just tapped it against people's glasses like it was a legitimate beverage instead of a wheat byproduct.
And my husband was like 'what in god's name are you doing?'
And I didn't know how to say I would rather slice of my own foot than drink tequila, so I just held by bread up and said 'I'm toasting'
And in that moment, I felt my soul descend directly into the eighteenth circle of hell.
I was at my friend's engagement party on Thursday, and everybody was going to do cheers with these nasty shoes of blue tequila, but I don't drink (especially not tequila, blue or otherwise) so I grabbed a piece of bread from the basket on the table and just tapped it against people's glasses like it was a legitimate beverage instead of a wheat byproduct.
And my husband was like 'what in god's name are you doing?'
And I didn't know how to say I would rather slice of my own foot than drink tequila, so I just held by bread up and said 'I'm toasting'
And in that moment, I felt my soul descend directly into the eighteenth circle of hell.
