I Am Addicted to Caffeine

@mrwhiterabbit I am a recovering alcoholic, and caffeine tends me to be a common refuge among my lot, as far as I've seen, but I guess I took it a bit too far.

@ChubbyCheesecake aaah, that makes sense. don't substitute one addiction for another -but you don't need to hear that shit from me. Try 'Mate' tea from south america. it's less jittery and crashy. you can even get cool paraphernalia for it but its still tea lol.

@mrwhiterabbit I like tea, but it doesn't exactly get you high. Even now, being in recovery for more than a year, I guess I'm still chasing a high more than I am trying to build a healthy life. I like loose leaf tea. Greater expense and effort makes it feel "more" somehow, ya know?

@ChubbyCheesecake Mate isn't like regular tea but i get you. btw caffine doesn't really get you high either but it can get you killed if you keep doing it like that. so i guess that's an upside

@mrwhiterabbit Maybe not "high" but if you go into it with the right mindsight I think you can trick yourself into thinking jittery is the same thing as "high", which I mean either way you're fooling yourself I guess. I mean I have a minor in chemistry so I know how to dose drugs, so I doubt I could overdose on caffeine on accident like some people do, but in the long run is this super healthy? Probably not. But I doubt its unhealthier than alcoholism.

@ChubbyCheesecake ding ding ding. you are correct

@mrwhiterabbit Anyway no matter my educational background its pretty obvious I'm an idiot at this point.

@ChubbyCheesecake lol keep working your program. overcoming your idiocy will make you stronger. Any you'll still have your book learning.

@mrwhiterabbit When I entered recovery July of Last Year I was drinking a 12 pack of beer a day or more, and now I usually drink less then that amount every week, so even though I'm not sober per se, I'm just happy to be alive, at this point last year, I was certain I wasn't going to see the year 2019, but now we are almost to 2020 and I am still kicking, I am eternally gratefully to the Substance Use program at my Univeristy, UNT, for that.

@ChubbyCheesecake keep fighting to get to day 1

@mrwhiterabbit I've gotten to day 1 I'm sure over a hundred times at this point, but I guess it just keeps going.

@ChubbyCheesecake i almost said something stupid. go to a meetimg :)

@mrwhiterabbit I hate AA sorry. Been there, done that. As a transexual I don't fit into their almost exclusively Christian perspective on Recovery.

@ChubbyCheesecake got it. sounds like you have something that works for you stick with it

@mrwhiterabbit @mrwhiterabbit No system is perfect. I have people that care about me. And I also care about them. That helps me more than any regimented system could.

@ChubbyCheesecake it is super important. but not enough.

@mrwhiterabbit I'm sorry. For the last ten years I have been trying my best to live my best woman life and for the same amount of time my whole family, who one would hope to support them, have been ignoring me, and pushing me to live life according to the gender assigned to me at birth. For those ten years, I've gone from multiple suicide attempts, to multiple addictions, and alcohol is just the latest, and longest lasting one for me. If only I could be supported and loved for the person I am, I don't think any of these drugs would have been necessary, but that's not how my life has gone.

@ChubbyCheesecake that's awesome that you have come so far. but know addiction a disease -yes it has a strong social component like diabetes but it still needs to be treated socially and by working an addiction program.

@mrwhiterabbit I mean, I also have diabetes, so. Anyway, it really is so much harder to work socially as you recommend, when you are part of a minority group, as I am.