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I Have Issues With My Mother

So every few months or so it seems that I have to rescue her from some ridiculous situation she should have never been in. Throughout the last 4 years she has moved in and out of my house, oh... about a dozen times. Sometimes she doesn't have money and I have to send it to her, each time she swears up and done she is staying with me. I've bought plane, trans, and bus tickets. I've bought her cars and had to turn around and sell them, sometimes not even a month later. I've missed work to drive up to 20 hours to go get her, one time we ran in to an avalanche (good thing I'm one of those weirdo preppers).
This last time she stayed the longest... I told her that was the last time...my boyfriend says it's the last time...

She abused me physically, emotionally, and verbally as a child. As far as I am concerned I owe her nothing...
Yet, I don't know how to tell her to piss off.
I cannot have a life with this continuing to happen.
This is not healthy for me.
I liked it better when she stopped talking to me...

She called a few days ago and said she wants to come back to my house.

I wouldn't let anyone else ever treat me like this!

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SW-User

I'm sure you lean on your boyfriend a lot for this and he can give you a clear perspective of the situation. It's nice about dominant husbands or boyfriends... they will watch us try to figure things out, but eventually they put their foot down.... for OUR own good. I know this is so old fashioned, but in my experience leaning on my husband's judgement has given me such peace. When I tried to have a relationship w/ my real father and got rejected time after time... he put his foot down and told me to stop. I needed that.

I think you have been and are a beautiful daughter to your Mother, but ultimately SHE has to make her own choices for life improvement. There are affordable housing she can get into (I know, I run such a place for senior citizens) There are paths she can take. You be there, but when it is time to stop, you have to stop. If for no other reason but to be able to have space and time between your Mom's erratic life choices.

So, what does your boyfriend say? Is it the same man you were with before, I'm assuming it is.

Burdenedwithgloriouspurpose · 31-35, F

@SW-User it is and he said the last time was it and she wasn't doing this ish to me anymore...

SW-User

@Burdenedwithgloriouspurpose If you trust him, and you know he truly is looking out for your own good. Trust him on this. As much as it might hurt you, you can't be there to save her from herself every turn.

BeachBum · F

Take or leave my words...

You can say no.
I know it's incredibly hard to do that, you want to preserve the relationship with your mother, but nothing will change unless you do something different.

Maybe you can suggest that youre happy to help but you dont think her living with you will work out well. Try finding her some lower cost place to rent/board near by. So you can maintain your personal space but still have the connection.

People face struggles but she is your parent & needs to be one!
Not very fair of her to lean on you every time.

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BeachBum · F

@Burdenedwithgloriouspurpose is she getting any other help? Sometimes people really have to hit rock bottom to bounce back up.

May be time to gently and firmly say something about her behaviour and the role switch that has occured.

It would help if you can change the dynamic away from you being the support.

You're her daughter, you feel obligated to help her but are you really helping her? Or enabling her.

Sadly sometimes the most toxic & damaged people are family.

Burdenedwithgloriouspurpose · 31-35, F

I'm an enabler...

BeachBum · F

@Burdenedwithgloriouspurpose only if you so choose.

MrsPeterEvans · 31-35, F

That sounds a nightmare

Burdenedwithgloriouspurpose · 31-35, F

@MrsPeterEvans I would like to tell her to piss off!

MrsPeterEvans · 31-35, F

@Burdenedwithgloriouspurpose wow you can't tell your mum that! Well I couldn't

nemo69

What does your hubby think?

Burdenedwithgloriouspurpose · 31-35, F

@nemo69 he knows I can't say no. He will tell her a whole lot worse than to piss off. He has to deal with the emotional turmoil I go through.

Goralski · 56-60, M

She needs an boyfriend

Burdenedwithgloriouspurpose · 31-35, F

@Goralski where do you think she goes when she leaves me? He fills her head with all these glories and riches and she believes him that everything will be better and then it's not....
She falls for pure rubbish

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