I Am Estranged From My Parents
I haven't spoken to my father in over 3 years. My mother only came back into my life a little over a year ago, I think?
I can't say I hate him. I hate what he has become, what he has allowed himself to be. He suffers from a rare disorder that, for most sufferers, only causes pain. For a very rare few, it leads to mobility issues, mental disturbances including memory loss and mood swings, and potentially death. In addition to all that, he's been dependent on narcotic pain medication for as long as I can remember.
He cut me out of his life because I'm an adult, married and working, living on my own income, and refused to play his BS games as he tried to control my spending habits and lay a guilt trip on me that he somehow contributed to my household income (maybe $100 gift every few months?), so he cut me off and stopped speaking to me.
Initially my mom followed. She shook a finger at me for defending my husband when my father tore him down, calling him trailer trash, uneducated, poor because he's not willing to get a "big-boy" job, even though he has the same job I do, and we're a middle-class household, with a house, 2 cars, a kid, and never defaulting on our debt.
A few months after they pushed me away, my brother said he wasn't speaking to my father anymore, and shared with me the last few emails they had exchanged. My father viciously cut down my sister-in-law the same way he did my husband, in addition to blaming her for turning his son liberal, the worst thing imaginable to him. My brother's wife is a kind and soft-spoken, and tremendously intelligent women. They both work actively in the scientific field. In the emails, my father also stated that he hates kids. My brother has 2 lovely little girls who my father hasn't seen enough of to ever form a negative opinion.
A few months more, and my brother told me that my mom moved out. She isn't seeking a divorce, because it's too expensive and not necessary, and she still visits and checks in on him, simply because he's retired and has no one else in his life. He pushed his own father away, stopped receiving phone calls, even cut off the phone service to the house.
My mom reached out to me after about 2 years of silence. My brother asked if he could give my aunt my number. My aunt said she was talking to my mom and she wanted to reach out to me, so I let her have my address. My mom didn't even know we had purchase a house. She sent me a beautiful hand-written letter letting me know how much she loves me and my family, and that no matter what I do, she will always love us. She made no requests or expectations or a response. I replied with an equally warm letter, and photos of her grand daughter. She had visited and stayed with us to help out after our daughter was born, but the fallout occurred less than 3 months after she was born, so my mom hadn't seen pictures since then. We've done our best to gently mend our relationship. I was really grateful my mom reached out to me. I used to say she was one of my best friends, so I was really suffering from the loss of that relationship. Now she sends me sweet little texts every so often, sending her love. She sees new photos of her granddaughter on FB and likes and shares and comments in her goofy sense of humor.
I worry about my dad. It's heartbreaking to think that he's going to die alone.
I can't say I hate him. I hate what he has become, what he has allowed himself to be. He suffers from a rare disorder that, for most sufferers, only causes pain. For a very rare few, it leads to mobility issues, mental disturbances including memory loss and mood swings, and potentially death. In addition to all that, he's been dependent on narcotic pain medication for as long as I can remember.
He cut me out of his life because I'm an adult, married and working, living on my own income, and refused to play his BS games as he tried to control my spending habits and lay a guilt trip on me that he somehow contributed to my household income (maybe $100 gift every few months?), so he cut me off and stopped speaking to me.
Initially my mom followed. She shook a finger at me for defending my husband when my father tore him down, calling him trailer trash, uneducated, poor because he's not willing to get a "big-boy" job, even though he has the same job I do, and we're a middle-class household, with a house, 2 cars, a kid, and never defaulting on our debt.
A few months after they pushed me away, my brother said he wasn't speaking to my father anymore, and shared with me the last few emails they had exchanged. My father viciously cut down my sister-in-law the same way he did my husband, in addition to blaming her for turning his son liberal, the worst thing imaginable to him. My brother's wife is a kind and soft-spoken, and tremendously intelligent women. They both work actively in the scientific field. In the emails, my father also stated that he hates kids. My brother has 2 lovely little girls who my father hasn't seen enough of to ever form a negative opinion.
A few months more, and my brother told me that my mom moved out. She isn't seeking a divorce, because it's too expensive and not necessary, and she still visits and checks in on him, simply because he's retired and has no one else in his life. He pushed his own father away, stopped receiving phone calls, even cut off the phone service to the house.
My mom reached out to me after about 2 years of silence. My brother asked if he could give my aunt my number. My aunt said she was talking to my mom and she wanted to reach out to me, so I let her have my address. My mom didn't even know we had purchase a house. She sent me a beautiful hand-written letter letting me know how much she loves me and my family, and that no matter what I do, she will always love us. She made no requests or expectations or a response. I replied with an equally warm letter, and photos of her grand daughter. She had visited and stayed with us to help out after our daughter was born, but the fallout occurred less than 3 months after she was born, so my mom hadn't seen pictures since then. We've done our best to gently mend our relationship. I was really grateful my mom reached out to me. I used to say she was one of my best friends, so I was really suffering from the loss of that relationship. Now she sends me sweet little texts every so often, sending her love. She sees new photos of her granddaughter on FB and likes and shares and comments in her goofy sense of humor.
I worry about my dad. It's heartbreaking to think that he's going to die alone.
36-40, F
