I Went to My Class Reunion
I Am Sorry... Not sure where to put this story, so I decided to stick it here. I have changed the names involved to protect privacy and the billion to one chance that someone may read and realize it was our class.
I am with the group known as the baby boomers, will be 59 years old in a few months. For our small farming community we had a large class 61 students. Actually the largest class to graduate from that community and that record still stands, even though now our school district is consolidated with another small town.
We have lost 3 students in our class, each from natural causes. It was sad to see them go, however one in particular was very difficult and he is the reason I am writing this.
The first one in our class to pass on was Ms. CC. She was the girl next door type. Grew up on a farm, like many of us, was not one of the popular girls. She had the usual awkwardness. I will explain a little about our school. Essentially we all fell in to 2 major groups and one smaller 3rd group. You had group #1, the jocks and cheerleaders, (all the pretties) group #2 the farm kids (we were not involved in sports as we had work to do on the farm after school) and #3 the unfortunate left over ones that did not fit into either previous groups. Their dad was the town drunk, or their divorced mom lived in the run down trailer by the railroad tracks. They existed but did not have the beauty, charisma or strength in numbers to have any affect on anything. Totally ignored by group 1, somewhat ignored by group 2.
Ms. CC was in group 2. Nice girl, hard working. Minded her own business. No drama. I remember when we came back to start 6th grade she was the first girl to look like a woman. All the boys were remarking on her amazing woman chest that seemed to sprout from nowhere during summer vacation. At our school it was the junior year responsibility to take care of prom. Prom was a big thing, what the hell, for me anyway I had permission to be out after 12:00 for once. Ms. CC and Ms. B (the last one in our class to pass on) both worked hard on the preparations for the upcoming prom. Ms. B was also a sweet girl, pretty much same as CC, farm girl, down to earth. Neither had a date for the prom. So, they decided to do a first that had never been done at our small school. They decided to go with out a date. They decided, (rightfully so) that they should not be denied prom, just cause they did not have a date, that they should be able to enjoy it like everyone else.
CC went to community college and took a job in the local bank. Got married to a farmer. Started a family. She had 6 children. Was involved in her church, school, 4-H. Then in the mid 80's we learned she had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She did the usual, chemo, diet, what ever was available. She continued to work and volunteer. Even at functions, wearing the not so good looking wig to cover up her hair loss. Eventually she lost the battle and left behind her husband and children, the youngest 4 years old. Her husband never remarried.
Ms. B was a sweet girl in HS. Occasionally I would work with her on a project. I noticed, on occasion she would momentarily drift off somewhere and then return. It was not until my older sister informed me that she had epilepsy. It was kept under control with medication, but she had several close calls at home thru the years.
9th grade rolls around and everyone is excited about taking our permit test, so we can get our drivers ED finished and start driving. We all know this is the first huge step in adult hood, being able to drive ourselves and forget about relying on mom and dad to get us around. B took the written test like everyone else, however she was informed, that because of her epilepsy she would not be able to obtain a drivers license. I realize now, how hard that must have been on her, but she took it in stride and we all soon forgot about it.
After graduation B took a job at a local manufacturing plant. Every morning and evening her mom or dad drove her in to work. When she wanted to go shopping to our regional town, her mom had to take her. She never got to really have the independence she deserved, or that all teenagers crave at this time in their life.
Later B would date a local farmer. He was a good man, hard worker and had a future. However he had a syndrome, slurred speech and muscle coordination. It was never explained what caused his condition, but his mind was sharp. Things were getting serious between B and the farmer, unfortunately, B's parents put the kabosh on their relationship. Sad, today the farmer is very successful and married to a woman who saw his vulnerability and sensitivity. B would have been so happy with him and I know their relationship would have been a good one.
Eventually B's dad passed and the farm and cows were sold. B moved into town wit her mom. She continued to work at the same job she acquired upon graduation. Occasionally, when I would be in town I would see her walking down the streets, carrying her lunch box. B always helped with the class reunions. We had excellent attendance from our grade. 3 years ago B was having issues with headaches, she had tests done. It was found she had inoperable brain tumor, which may or may not have been related to the epilepsy. After the doctor gave her the prognosis and stated she would have 6 months to 1.5 years to live she simply said, "well, that is how it is going to be then" and that is that.
I found out about B's condition thru my sister. She had to quit her job of almost 40 years. Her mom took care of her at the house until she had to go to hospice. At the time I was working away from home and very busy. But that is not an excuse. I intended to stop by and visit her. I should have. But I was too selfish and thought, tomorrow or next week. I learned she lost her eyesight and had trouble communicating with people. Now, it is too late to go see her. Would she recognize me? would she be disappointed that I did not come to see her sooner when she was better? I never went to say good bye. I saw the obit in the paper. She had passed on. The funeral was like a mini class reunion. I was riddled with guilt. I could have stopped by and visited her. Ms. B, I am sorry. I dropped the ball for you. Please forgive me.
Mr. S passed away in the late 80's. S was a member of group 3. S always tried to fit in, but he never did. He died alone at the hospital, before any family members could arrive. Drove himself to the ER room early in the morning. Died of a freak hemorrhage.
S also had a syndrome of some kind. Had an odd gait, always leaned forward, like he was going to topple head long into everything. Had an different look to himself. S had no friends. S always tried, tried, tried to fit in. He was teased in PE class because of his clumsiness. I did not verbally tease him, however I did not stop it either, so, by association, I am as guilty as everyone. Now I understand it is bullying, but when I was young that term did not exist. S was give a nickname I will not repeat here, a moniker for his unusual movements. The name stuck. S struggled thru HS best he could. When we got our licsense S got a car. As was the usual, we had to modify our cars, mag wheels, 8 track stereo, dual exhaust. S did all these to his car. But it did not matter, he was still ignored. The more he tried to fit in and be regarded as a peer the more everyone ignored him.
S had a date for the prom. When S showed up, someone had to make some remarks about his date, his clothes, his car, blah, blah, blah. Once again, as usual, I said nothing.
S graduated and tried to get in to the military, was turned down on physical condition. S went to a local tech college for law enforcement, upon graduation could not find a job in that field. Eventually he went back to school and got a job with Forestry. S continued to live around the area. We all forgot about S.
Occasionally I would run into S's older sister. She was a nice woman, friendly, outgoing, successful. I always felt bad when she would visit with me, did she understand how her brother was treated? Did she know the nicknames he was called. Did she know I stood there like the loser I was and let it happen? too chicken and worried about my own status that I did not intervene?
I noticed in the local paper that S had passed away. I read his obit. All facts, I read between the lines. It never mentioned his struggles, his yearning to fit in, to be accepted by us, by anyone. Just facts, that I and others could fill in between the lines.
A classmate of mine called and suggested we get some flowers for S's funeral. I agreed. I was surprised by the call from her and the suggestion. She was the #1 girl on the social ladder in our class, homecoming queen, most admired, beautiful, friendly, she had it all.
Went to the funeral in the small rural church. My other classmate, the socialite and myself were the only 2 there to represent our class. I visited the coffin. S. looked pretty much the same as I remember him, little more gray around the edges. I stood there and started crying, recalling all the transgressions that had been done against him. I could not control myself. To make it worse, his sister comes up and hugs me and tells me it will be fine. No, it will not be, I failed here as a human being in not giving S the simplest of all, just friendship and support cause I was too dam selfish and self centered to do anything about it. Guilty by association.
S, i am sorry for all that happened to you. I am sorry for not standing up and saying something when I should have. All you wanted was to fit in and be normal and we took that away from you. You desired what we all desire, friendship and acceptance and we denied that most basic human right to you. I am so sorry, and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and us. You deserved better and now you have it.
God bless you and thank everyone for letting me write this.
Peace
I am with the group known as the baby boomers, will be 59 years old in a few months. For our small farming community we had a large class 61 students. Actually the largest class to graduate from that community and that record still stands, even though now our school district is consolidated with another small town.
We have lost 3 students in our class, each from natural causes. It was sad to see them go, however one in particular was very difficult and he is the reason I am writing this.
The first one in our class to pass on was Ms. CC. She was the girl next door type. Grew up on a farm, like many of us, was not one of the popular girls. She had the usual awkwardness. I will explain a little about our school. Essentially we all fell in to 2 major groups and one smaller 3rd group. You had group #1, the jocks and cheerleaders, (all the pretties) group #2 the farm kids (we were not involved in sports as we had work to do on the farm after school) and #3 the unfortunate left over ones that did not fit into either previous groups. Their dad was the town drunk, or their divorced mom lived in the run down trailer by the railroad tracks. They existed but did not have the beauty, charisma or strength in numbers to have any affect on anything. Totally ignored by group 1, somewhat ignored by group 2.
Ms. CC was in group 2. Nice girl, hard working. Minded her own business. No drama. I remember when we came back to start 6th grade she was the first girl to look like a woman. All the boys were remarking on her amazing woman chest that seemed to sprout from nowhere during summer vacation. At our school it was the junior year responsibility to take care of prom. Prom was a big thing, what the hell, for me anyway I had permission to be out after 12:00 for once. Ms. CC and Ms. B (the last one in our class to pass on) both worked hard on the preparations for the upcoming prom. Ms. B was also a sweet girl, pretty much same as CC, farm girl, down to earth. Neither had a date for the prom. So, they decided to do a first that had never been done at our small school. They decided to go with out a date. They decided, (rightfully so) that they should not be denied prom, just cause they did not have a date, that they should be able to enjoy it like everyone else.
CC went to community college and took a job in the local bank. Got married to a farmer. Started a family. She had 6 children. Was involved in her church, school, 4-H. Then in the mid 80's we learned she had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She did the usual, chemo, diet, what ever was available. She continued to work and volunteer. Even at functions, wearing the not so good looking wig to cover up her hair loss. Eventually she lost the battle and left behind her husband and children, the youngest 4 years old. Her husband never remarried.
Ms. B was a sweet girl in HS. Occasionally I would work with her on a project. I noticed, on occasion she would momentarily drift off somewhere and then return. It was not until my older sister informed me that she had epilepsy. It was kept under control with medication, but she had several close calls at home thru the years.
9th grade rolls around and everyone is excited about taking our permit test, so we can get our drivers ED finished and start driving. We all know this is the first huge step in adult hood, being able to drive ourselves and forget about relying on mom and dad to get us around. B took the written test like everyone else, however she was informed, that because of her epilepsy she would not be able to obtain a drivers license. I realize now, how hard that must have been on her, but she took it in stride and we all soon forgot about it.
After graduation B took a job at a local manufacturing plant. Every morning and evening her mom or dad drove her in to work. When she wanted to go shopping to our regional town, her mom had to take her. She never got to really have the independence she deserved, or that all teenagers crave at this time in their life.
Later B would date a local farmer. He was a good man, hard worker and had a future. However he had a syndrome, slurred speech and muscle coordination. It was never explained what caused his condition, but his mind was sharp. Things were getting serious between B and the farmer, unfortunately, B's parents put the kabosh on their relationship. Sad, today the farmer is very successful and married to a woman who saw his vulnerability and sensitivity. B would have been so happy with him and I know their relationship would have been a good one.
Eventually B's dad passed and the farm and cows were sold. B moved into town wit her mom. She continued to work at the same job she acquired upon graduation. Occasionally, when I would be in town I would see her walking down the streets, carrying her lunch box. B always helped with the class reunions. We had excellent attendance from our grade. 3 years ago B was having issues with headaches, she had tests done. It was found she had inoperable brain tumor, which may or may not have been related to the epilepsy. After the doctor gave her the prognosis and stated she would have 6 months to 1.5 years to live she simply said, "well, that is how it is going to be then" and that is that.
I found out about B's condition thru my sister. She had to quit her job of almost 40 years. Her mom took care of her at the house until she had to go to hospice. At the time I was working away from home and very busy. But that is not an excuse. I intended to stop by and visit her. I should have. But I was too selfish and thought, tomorrow or next week. I learned she lost her eyesight and had trouble communicating with people. Now, it is too late to go see her. Would she recognize me? would she be disappointed that I did not come to see her sooner when she was better? I never went to say good bye. I saw the obit in the paper. She had passed on. The funeral was like a mini class reunion. I was riddled with guilt. I could have stopped by and visited her. Ms. B, I am sorry. I dropped the ball for you. Please forgive me.
Mr. S passed away in the late 80's. S was a member of group 3. S always tried to fit in, but he never did. He died alone at the hospital, before any family members could arrive. Drove himself to the ER room early in the morning. Died of a freak hemorrhage.
S also had a syndrome of some kind. Had an odd gait, always leaned forward, like he was going to topple head long into everything. Had an different look to himself. S had no friends. S always tried, tried, tried to fit in. He was teased in PE class because of his clumsiness. I did not verbally tease him, however I did not stop it either, so, by association, I am as guilty as everyone. Now I understand it is bullying, but when I was young that term did not exist. S was give a nickname I will not repeat here, a moniker for his unusual movements. The name stuck. S struggled thru HS best he could. When we got our licsense S got a car. As was the usual, we had to modify our cars, mag wheels, 8 track stereo, dual exhaust. S did all these to his car. But it did not matter, he was still ignored. The more he tried to fit in and be regarded as a peer the more everyone ignored him.
S had a date for the prom. When S showed up, someone had to make some remarks about his date, his clothes, his car, blah, blah, blah. Once again, as usual, I said nothing.
S graduated and tried to get in to the military, was turned down on physical condition. S went to a local tech college for law enforcement, upon graduation could not find a job in that field. Eventually he went back to school and got a job with Forestry. S continued to live around the area. We all forgot about S.
Occasionally I would run into S's older sister. She was a nice woman, friendly, outgoing, successful. I always felt bad when she would visit with me, did she understand how her brother was treated? Did she know the nicknames he was called. Did she know I stood there like the loser I was and let it happen? too chicken and worried about my own status that I did not intervene?
I noticed in the local paper that S had passed away. I read his obit. All facts, I read between the lines. It never mentioned his struggles, his yearning to fit in, to be accepted by us, by anyone. Just facts, that I and others could fill in between the lines.
A classmate of mine called and suggested we get some flowers for S's funeral. I agreed. I was surprised by the call from her and the suggestion. She was the #1 girl on the social ladder in our class, homecoming queen, most admired, beautiful, friendly, she had it all.
Went to the funeral in the small rural church. My other classmate, the socialite and myself were the only 2 there to represent our class. I visited the coffin. S. looked pretty much the same as I remember him, little more gray around the edges. I stood there and started crying, recalling all the transgressions that had been done against him. I could not control myself. To make it worse, his sister comes up and hugs me and tells me it will be fine. No, it will not be, I failed here as a human being in not giving S the simplest of all, just friendship and support cause I was too dam selfish and self centered to do anything about it. Guilty by association.
S, i am sorry for all that happened to you. I am sorry for not standing up and saying something when I should have. All you wanted was to fit in and be normal and we took that away from you. You desired what we all desire, friendship and acceptance and we denied that most basic human right to you. I am so sorry, and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and us. You deserved better and now you have it.
God bless you and thank everyone for letting me write this.
Peace
61-69, M