I Am Concerned About My Mental Health Sometimes
Have in mind when reading this that I was never really dignosed, but I suffered in silence and lonliness for 4 years.
I was depressed, had suicadal thoughts, anxiety attacks etc and wasn't really feeling well for about 4 years. And I knew then as much as I know now that my thoughts were poisonous. My mind was ill. It is called a disorder because of a reason; I knew that I was sick and that my mind wasn't my own anymore. These thoughts where getting out of controle. But I got help and got better.
Although after that I was afraid to fall back into, as I previously have described it, that bottomless pit. Especially as I know depression is an illness with a high number in relapsing patients.
Now 2.5 years have passed but now, a happening have triggered something in me.
I am once again getting bad. Not as I did years ago, but it...it's weird.
Some nights I struggle getting up only to close my window. It feels like all good I have in my life will end up badly and that it would all be my fault.
My thoughts spiral and I feel just as terrible in a way that I did before.
Not only that. I get anxious and thoughts like: "Nobody likes me, I am just annoying" pops up in my head. And it's really difficult when these thoughts go out on my partner. As soon as he doesn't anwser on a text or almost any small thing my mind goes to bad places and once again spirals. "He doesn't actually love me..." etc etc.
These feelings and thoughts feel real, but as I have been feeling a bit like I did a few years ago; I know that these thoughts might "not be my own".
It is scary when you feel yourself deteriorating. When you don't know wether your thoughts come from reason or an illness.
I was depressed, had suicadal thoughts, anxiety attacks etc and wasn't really feeling well for about 4 years. And I knew then as much as I know now that my thoughts were poisonous. My mind was ill. It is called a disorder because of a reason; I knew that I was sick and that my mind wasn't my own anymore. These thoughts where getting out of controle. But I got help and got better.
Although after that I was afraid to fall back into, as I previously have described it, that bottomless pit. Especially as I know depression is an illness with a high number in relapsing patients.
Now 2.5 years have passed but now, a happening have triggered something in me.
I am once again getting bad. Not as I did years ago, but it...it's weird.
Some nights I struggle getting up only to close my window. It feels like all good I have in my life will end up badly and that it would all be my fault.
My thoughts spiral and I feel just as terrible in a way that I did before.
Not only that. I get anxious and thoughts like: "Nobody likes me, I am just annoying" pops up in my head. And it's really difficult when these thoughts go out on my partner. As soon as he doesn't anwser on a text or almost any small thing my mind goes to bad places and once again spirals. "He doesn't actually love me..." etc etc.
These feelings and thoughts feel real, but as I have been feeling a bit like I did a few years ago; I know that these thoughts might "not be my own".
It is scary when you feel yourself deteriorating. When you don't know wether your thoughts come from reason or an illness.
