I Get Lost In My Thoughts Sometimes

I knew from the time I was 3 years old this world was shit and I didn't want to be here. That was the earliest memory I have. At the time I didn't know how bad I had it, but how would I have known when that is all I ever knew? I have been all over the county and I have been all over the world. I don't know what it is I am searching for with those long drives late at night alone with my thoughts; nothing good rumbling around up there. Still haven't found whatever it is I am looking for but the feeling is still the same I just don't like it here, I don't like what I see especially in people. I use to not care about anyone or anything just a hate filled brat that did what I wanted when I wanted no matter who it hurt. Somewhere along the lines I have changed, I guess we all mature eventually. One good role model is all it took to push me past that line of good and bad, and I decided to be good and caring and honest. The difference in me now from back then is now I am actually trying, and that makes it even worse. It isn't nothing to be a reject when you don't care, but its a totally different story to be a reject when you are trying to build something.