I Want The World To Be A Better Place
For years I had this idea that people were basically decent, and that the world had as much light in it as it does darkness. And I took everything that came at me and twisted it to fit with that story. And for all those years things just felt... I'm not sure how to describe it. I pushed myself to live up to all these ideals - honesty tempered with kindness, trying to help people and make the world a better place. Doing the right thing instead of the easy thing. Being an example to inspire other people. I kept trying to do all these things. I failed miserably at them often enough - but the point is that I kept practicing because I believed that living a good life and being a good person would mean something. That it would get me the things that I wanted. That it would heal my heart and be worth something to the world.
But again and again, I found that trying to do the right thing just screwed me over. People would look at me funny when I refused to lie out of convenience, or when I actually tried to do something about a bully who was making people quit their jobs left and right. Again and again, my attempts to be a good person isolated me and got me knocked down. You do the right thing on a tv show, and things somehow magically work out for you. But you do the right thing in the real world, in the face of people who crave power, and all it does it burn you to the ground.
What I finally came to realize is that liars hate honesty. Selfish people take advantage of selflessness. People who don't give a damn about doing the right thing hate people who do. People who grew up in schools where bullying is quietly tolerated - as long as it's not physical or racial - hate people who refuse to quietly tolerate bullying. People who lie to themselves - about who they really are and what the world is really like - hate people who see things with any sort of real clarity.
What I've finally accepted is that we live in an unethical society as part of an unethical species - a species that will almost always choose pretty pretense over an unwanted truth. For every genuinely compassionate person, there are 5 who say all the right things, and then leave you to rot when you need them. Who call the exterminator the second a living creature is even slightly inconvenient to them.
If you took any system of human ethics and applied it to the natural world, you'd conclude that the natural world is evil and utterly lacking in empathy. That's where we come from. And yeah, we've risen above those ugly origins to an extent. Every ounce of goodness that exists in our species is a shining example of what's right with the world. But if you really, truly look at us as a species, then can you honestly say that we're closer to the sky than we are to the mud?
But again and again, I found that trying to do the right thing just screwed me over. People would look at me funny when I refused to lie out of convenience, or when I actually tried to do something about a bully who was making people quit their jobs left and right. Again and again, my attempts to be a good person isolated me and got me knocked down. You do the right thing on a tv show, and things somehow magically work out for you. But you do the right thing in the real world, in the face of people who crave power, and all it does it burn you to the ground.
What I finally came to realize is that liars hate honesty. Selfish people take advantage of selflessness. People who don't give a damn about doing the right thing hate people who do. People who grew up in schools where bullying is quietly tolerated - as long as it's not physical or racial - hate people who refuse to quietly tolerate bullying. People who lie to themselves - about who they really are and what the world is really like - hate people who see things with any sort of real clarity.
What I've finally accepted is that we live in an unethical society as part of an unethical species - a species that will almost always choose pretty pretense over an unwanted truth. For every genuinely compassionate person, there are 5 who say all the right things, and then leave you to rot when you need them. Who call the exterminator the second a living creature is even slightly inconvenient to them.
If you took any system of human ethics and applied it to the natural world, you'd conclude that the natural world is evil and utterly lacking in empathy. That's where we come from. And yeah, we've risen above those ugly origins to an extent. Every ounce of goodness that exists in our species is a shining example of what's right with the world. But if you really, truly look at us as a species, then can you honestly say that we're closer to the sky than we are to the mud?
36-40, M
