I Was Abandoned In My Time Of Need
Just before I turned 70, everything went wrong in my life at about the same time. In the space of a year, three long time friends died. Also, I had just been forced into retirement from my job and was living in an income about one third of what I had been living on.
I did something really stupid for which I am still sometimes angry at myself; I made a really bad business decision which went drastically wrong and took most of my savings.
Then, my car died permanently
After that, alone, broke and sad, I got very sick. Bad medical care contributed to my situation and I got sicker. My illness involved my bladder but bad medical care allowed the infection to get out of control and the toxins went to my brain creating delirium, a serious and frightening mental illness requiring two hospitalizations.
My ears got infected and my hearing became impaired. Fast acting cataracts took most of my eyesight necessitating surgeries. Half deaf, half blind, in pain and barely continent, I struggled with my recovery as my teeth went bad requiring several extractions.
Then, during my second hospital stay, my landlord illegally evicted me from my apartment home of 28 years. It cost me every last cent I had plus going into debt to hire an attorney to fight it..
Then the attorney bailed out on me for lack of more money two days before I was due in court to fight the illegal eviction. I had to go to court sick with a fever, bladder hurting, delirium overwhelming me, half deaf and half blind and represent myself. The landlord offered me a settlement if I would agree to move; I took it.
In the midst of an ear infection, sick with delirium, while having two eye surgeries, I had to sort out my 28 year accumulation of things, pack and move. Since I had no car, and couldn't drive anyway during the eye surgeries,finding a place to live was problematical. There is a huge housing shortage now.
Eventually I faced the fact that I would have to move to another community. Fortunately, I did have a friend out in the desert so I decided to move there. I begged friends to help me move but no one could help me. Everyone I knew was either dead or had moved away or simply refused to help. Some people really let me down during this time and I felt abandoned. One friend yelled at me on the phone because he said I wasn't coherent as I begged him to help or at least visit me. Another long time friend told me she couldn"t help but said she could visit me for 15 minutes; she arrived, sat in a chair, kept checking her watch, glanced around my messy apartment disapprovingly and then left. One young friend told me she was too busy to help me. Then a couple of days later, she texted me that she'd gotten a puppy and was struggling to train her new dog.
I moved to the desert. I was sick when I arrived but I am getting better. I now live in one rented room in what to me is a strange town. I get lonely. The house I'm in is very nice with a pool and I swim every day. My health is getting better very slowly. I still suffer a small amount of delirium with whispery voices in my head, nightmares, insomnia, still fighting an inner ear infection doctors seem unable or unwilling to do anything about. Will be seeing a new doctor next week.
I became a Christian, joined a church, and am still struggling with forgiving those who would not even check on me by phone during my crisis year. Some days I am A-OK with it and other days I still remember how alone I felt trying to pack up my stuff and move while sick, deaf, half blind, not much money, no car etc.
It's hard to be this lonely while trying to adjust to a new town, new way of life. I have a car now. Am trying to make new friends here. I pray every day to leave my sadness and resentments in the past where they belong.
I did something really stupid for which I am still sometimes angry at myself; I made a really bad business decision which went drastically wrong and took most of my savings.
Then, my car died permanently
After that, alone, broke and sad, I got very sick. Bad medical care contributed to my situation and I got sicker. My illness involved my bladder but bad medical care allowed the infection to get out of control and the toxins went to my brain creating delirium, a serious and frightening mental illness requiring two hospitalizations.
My ears got infected and my hearing became impaired. Fast acting cataracts took most of my eyesight necessitating surgeries. Half deaf, half blind, in pain and barely continent, I struggled with my recovery as my teeth went bad requiring several extractions.
Then, during my second hospital stay, my landlord illegally evicted me from my apartment home of 28 years. It cost me every last cent I had plus going into debt to hire an attorney to fight it..
Then the attorney bailed out on me for lack of more money two days before I was due in court to fight the illegal eviction. I had to go to court sick with a fever, bladder hurting, delirium overwhelming me, half deaf and half blind and represent myself. The landlord offered me a settlement if I would agree to move; I took it.
In the midst of an ear infection, sick with delirium, while having two eye surgeries, I had to sort out my 28 year accumulation of things, pack and move. Since I had no car, and couldn't drive anyway during the eye surgeries,finding a place to live was problematical. There is a huge housing shortage now.
Eventually I faced the fact that I would have to move to another community. Fortunately, I did have a friend out in the desert so I decided to move there. I begged friends to help me move but no one could help me. Everyone I knew was either dead or had moved away or simply refused to help. Some people really let me down during this time and I felt abandoned. One friend yelled at me on the phone because he said I wasn't coherent as I begged him to help or at least visit me. Another long time friend told me she couldn"t help but said she could visit me for 15 minutes; she arrived, sat in a chair, kept checking her watch, glanced around my messy apartment disapprovingly and then left. One young friend told me she was too busy to help me. Then a couple of days later, she texted me that she'd gotten a puppy and was struggling to train her new dog.
I moved to the desert. I was sick when I arrived but I am getting better. I now live in one rented room in what to me is a strange town. I get lonely. The house I'm in is very nice with a pool and I swim every day. My health is getting better very slowly. I still suffer a small amount of delirium with whispery voices in my head, nightmares, insomnia, still fighting an inner ear infection doctors seem unable or unwilling to do anything about. Will be seeing a new doctor next week.
I became a Christian, joined a church, and am still struggling with forgiving those who would not even check on me by phone during my crisis year. Some days I am A-OK with it and other days I still remember how alone I felt trying to pack up my stuff and move while sick, deaf, half blind, not much money, no car etc.
It's hard to be this lonely while trying to adjust to a new town, new way of life. I have a car now. Am trying to make new friends here. I pray every day to leave my sadness and resentments in the past where they belong.
70-79, F
