I Cant Stop Thinking About It

like...I wonder if I wanted it or not. he said I did to my family but I remember not wanting it. yet he would always touch me and do stuff to me first. I never approached him or asked for it. I'm so confused. 😭 did I want it or not?? when he would do that stuff to me he would say "be quiet" so clearly I wasnt asking for it. right? why am I over thinking this?😭 why is he saying I wanted it?