I Broke Up With My Boyfriend
After a break up, It is so strange to look at old photos (or perhaps not even that old), it always makes me wonder how we got from there to here, how those smiles disappeared, where did we loose it? why didn't we stop it?
Thats the funny thing about breaking up, you always end up doing the things you swore you'd never do, we always think things of each other that we never could stand thinking before. when I was growing up my mum used to tell me that when somebody expressed anger, it meant the devil was using us to get through, what we did or said as we were angry was the devil almost as if we were possessed and aren't even in our natural mindset. I only really understood this after my own devastating breakup. We said things we didn't mean, we did things we didn't mean to do, but, our anger, or, as my mum would say, "the devil" took over for too long, just enough time to ruin things. In a stable relationship words can hardly damage anything, if you know your partner well enough, you'd know they are just angry and wouldn't take their words too seriously. But, in some cases, like my own, we let these words aren't just words, they are the truth, and thats what makes us ache when our partner speaks of it.
We both had scars, we both had inner anger and fear, and we subconsciously used this against each other. instead of consoling one another, it drove us apart, we took our anger out on each other thinking we were strong enough to last forever together, but little did I know that only time will tell. Time will tell us the most horrifying thing, that the person I loved the most in this world, and the only man I've ever loved, was not supposed to end up with me.
I envy couples who grow apart so much that when they actually call the quits, it doesn't hurt, their relationship has already been lost slowly over time, because for me, breaking up was devastating, and I was in alot of pain, even though the decision was "mutual" I struggled to regain a life I hadn't visited in 4 years. I loved him, I think I still do. I believe if you ever trulyyyy love someone, you can never stop loving them no matter what. I loved the way he spoke, the way he cared even though I thought he didn't notice. I loved the way he found value in me, the way he loved his family. I loved how he wasnt like the rest of the boys, he was himself, and he was okay with it. I can't even explain what the love between us felt like, I guess thats why there Is so many love songs or romance movies, millions of people attempting to explain the greatest thing in the world.
Thats the funny thing about breaking up, you always end up doing the things you swore you'd never do, we always think things of each other that we never could stand thinking before. when I was growing up my mum used to tell me that when somebody expressed anger, it meant the devil was using us to get through, what we did or said as we were angry was the devil almost as if we were possessed and aren't even in our natural mindset. I only really understood this after my own devastating breakup. We said things we didn't mean, we did things we didn't mean to do, but, our anger, or, as my mum would say, "the devil" took over for too long, just enough time to ruin things. In a stable relationship words can hardly damage anything, if you know your partner well enough, you'd know they are just angry and wouldn't take their words too seriously. But, in some cases, like my own, we let these words aren't just words, they are the truth, and thats what makes us ache when our partner speaks of it.
We both had scars, we both had inner anger and fear, and we subconsciously used this against each other. instead of consoling one another, it drove us apart, we took our anger out on each other thinking we were strong enough to last forever together, but little did I know that only time will tell. Time will tell us the most horrifying thing, that the person I loved the most in this world, and the only man I've ever loved, was not supposed to end up with me.
I envy couples who grow apart so much that when they actually call the quits, it doesn't hurt, their relationship has already been lost slowly over time, because for me, breaking up was devastating, and I was in alot of pain, even though the decision was "mutual" I struggled to regain a life I hadn't visited in 4 years. I loved him, I think I still do. I believe if you ever trulyyyy love someone, you can never stop loving them no matter what. I loved the way he spoke, the way he cared even though I thought he didn't notice. I loved the way he found value in me, the way he loved his family. I loved how he wasnt like the rest of the boys, he was himself, and he was okay with it. I can't even explain what the love between us felt like, I guess thats why there Is so many love songs or romance movies, millions of people attempting to explain the greatest thing in the world.
22-25, F
