I Am An Emotional Wreck

Tears....... Tears drip from my eyelashes onto my pillow I wipe them away, but they just keep coming. So many emotions running through my head... sadness, happiness, anger, stress, and love. Everyone has had a time when all you can do is cry, that's all I've been doing crying, and I'm so tied of it so why do they still run down my face onto my pillow? I'm becoming nothing but a depressed mono-toned girl who sits in her room with doors closed hoping for someone to call her. All this crying is making me lose sleep weeks at a time, worrying about losing my friends, dwelling on my past when all I want to do is let it go. Living a lie everyday, so what's the purpose in living? No one would care, something still bugs me if I want to end my life why have I not done it already? Everyone is saying it so what keeps me from it? Fear of death or something else? I can't enjoy anything without getting emotional, pretty much that's why I have no friends because they just feel sorry for me but I can't help it. I have a curse where I can feel people's emotional pain, I feel their hurt and cry their tears. At night in my bed while thinking of all these things I see the illuminating shine of the moon sometimes I sit in the light and pray and tell God everything. I ask for forgiveness because I lie to my friends everyday and it hurts. Sometimes I think I'm better off alone or dead... Just alone, everyone has a purpose in life so what's mine? No one ever really knows. When I'm in the moonlight is the only time I feel safe, and while I'm there I look at my hand why is mine so different from everybody's? All these lines and marks, they aren't cuts and veins so what are they and do they mean something? Someone once told me my eyes change color from green to blue when I'm crying I think that's significant because I think my younger-self the girl I'm supposed to be is coming out. The person who I'm supposed to be and the not the girl I am today. The tears still fall onto my pillow but what is the real reason why they fall. All I know is the tears still fall... The tears will forever fall.