I Have No Friends and Need Some Friends

I use to think i had friends, then I grew up.
The reality was that I was either cool with these people or we just knew each other.
But no, we weren't friends.
I know because if I was sitting alone surrounded by empty seats, I would still be sitting alone.
I know i could have chances to have friends but they would want me to hang out with a**holes or 75% of being with them would result in them saying crap to belittle me like their so superior even those most are lazy bastards that never shut the hell up.
But I need friends, people who actually understand and are great to be around.
I am not asking for perfection, since I am far from it, just some one who will accept me.