I Want to Be a Better Person
I used to be able to pride myself on being non-judgmental. I thought that I could accept people for their faults without looking down on them. That I could be counted on to listen to another person with unbiased ears and an open mind. That was until this last month.
I had a new roommate move in a little over a month ago, and despite the fact that I haven't ever really gotten to sit down and talk to him, I already dislike him. It's not because he's wronged me or anyone else in any way, but because of his preferences. I feel like it's a common thing for people to do, to find petty and trivial things about another person to hate about them. Whether it's their clothes or their hairstyle or how they talk. It's something I've seen and overheard countless times in my life, but it's behavior that I always thought I was above. I was so sure that I held myself to a higher standard than that. Until Jim moved in.
He's not a bad guy. He doesn't deserve my disparaging thoughts about him just because he eats hot dogs and bologna sandwiches regularly. Or because he drinks Walmart brand Cola. Or because he gets high nearly every night. Or because he doesn't have a car because he lost his license. Or because he's in his late thirties and can't afford his own place. Or not even because he leaves the bathroom door closed after he uses it so neither the odor nor the humid air can escape. I've just singled out these things about him so I can feel superior to him.
But in thinking about how I feel about Jim, I've also realized how condescending I've been to the people of this site. I hold no reservations about generalizing the people of this site as parochial, indignant, shallow, myopic, impudent, and sophomoric. I am willing to blame any and all negativity that emerges from this site on the collective shortcomings of the users of this site, and not on the bad apples that are clearly worse then the average poster. And I don't like any of this about myself.
I want to be someone that can accept people regardless of their quirks, so long as they're respectful of others. Someone that can see the differences without having to find fault with them. Someone that doesn't need to generalize or make assumptions in order to understand another.
I wonder if that's possible. Like what exactly is it about people that causes them to feel that way about others? What forms stereotypes and speculation? A part of me wonders if I need to do this to justify my loneliness. That I can't see myself as being just like everyone else because I feel so isolated from everyone else. There are more than enough things about me for someone to make disparaging remarks about if they felt the need to, so why have I been doing the same to others if I wouldn't want it done unto me? Especially considering that I struggle with social anxiety. I know how crippling the thought of these judgments being cast upon me would feel, and yet I harbor the same kind of thoughts about Jim and the undefined majority of SW users.
Anyways, I don't really know how I should end this. Here's something relevant:[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRFa6e63-iY]
I had a new roommate move in a little over a month ago, and despite the fact that I haven't ever really gotten to sit down and talk to him, I already dislike him. It's not because he's wronged me or anyone else in any way, but because of his preferences. I feel like it's a common thing for people to do, to find petty and trivial things about another person to hate about them. Whether it's their clothes or their hairstyle or how they talk. It's something I've seen and overheard countless times in my life, but it's behavior that I always thought I was above. I was so sure that I held myself to a higher standard than that. Until Jim moved in.
He's not a bad guy. He doesn't deserve my disparaging thoughts about him just because he eats hot dogs and bologna sandwiches regularly. Or because he drinks Walmart brand Cola. Or because he gets high nearly every night. Or because he doesn't have a car because he lost his license. Or because he's in his late thirties and can't afford his own place. Or not even because he leaves the bathroom door closed after he uses it so neither the odor nor the humid air can escape. I've just singled out these things about him so I can feel superior to him.
But in thinking about how I feel about Jim, I've also realized how condescending I've been to the people of this site. I hold no reservations about generalizing the people of this site as parochial, indignant, shallow, myopic, impudent, and sophomoric. I am willing to blame any and all negativity that emerges from this site on the collective shortcomings of the users of this site, and not on the bad apples that are clearly worse then the average poster. And I don't like any of this about myself.
I want to be someone that can accept people regardless of their quirks, so long as they're respectful of others. Someone that can see the differences without having to find fault with them. Someone that doesn't need to generalize or make assumptions in order to understand another.
I wonder if that's possible. Like what exactly is it about people that causes them to feel that way about others? What forms stereotypes and speculation? A part of me wonders if I need to do this to justify my loneliness. That I can't see myself as being just like everyone else because I feel so isolated from everyone else. There are more than enough things about me for someone to make disparaging remarks about if they felt the need to, so why have I been doing the same to others if I wouldn't want it done unto me? Especially considering that I struggle with social anxiety. I know how crippling the thought of these judgments being cast upon me would feel, and yet I harbor the same kind of thoughts about Jim and the undefined majority of SW users.
Anyways, I don't really know how I should end this. Here's something relevant:[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRFa6e63-iY]