I Need To Rant Now, Dont Care If You Are Listening Or Not

I always think i'm good and then I fall down so low. I'm not as low as I've been but I'm still just so down. I had to withdraw from classes but I did a medical withdrawal so that I can come back next semester. I told my school I would see a therapist and work on myself and be ready to come back but i'm scared they won't give me the same scholarship. I more than failed my end gpa without withdrawing was a .27.. I'm at my mom's and it's clear she'son some kind of medication or something because she's much easier to talk to. The only thing is i've built up a wall that prevents her from getting too close because I know I can't honestly depend on her. I am glad she is letting me stay with her because I know the shelter i was staying at before and wouldn't let me back in. I'm just so lost and no matter how hard I want to have faith and know I have faith I can't stop these horrible sad episodes. I feel like these are legit reasons to be sad but I just want to be happy and normal and succeed. I hate feeling so bad.