I'm angery

Yesterday's fight really left me nonfunctional. I need to snap back into my active mode. IDK what's wrong with me. The world is an extremely selfish place. There is no way you can empathize more than you can actually afford to help. I hope I can get to somewhere better than here. Finally realizing that none of the mess was ever my fault. I was just a punching bag that reacted to being abused and that turned into a vicious cycle where I was painted as a villain and isolated from my own siblings. One of them is so well groomed that he still believes I'm "flawed" and "stupid" and "dumb" and "loud mouthed" and "will never be better". For years my thoughts and opinions have been actively antagonized by my own people to make me FEEL inferior and stupid. My acquaintances were actively TOLD to not take me seriously. My silence was bought when I fought for my right to get access to treatment because I was going crazy.

I really won't ever be anything if I stick around. As much as I would feel guilty leaving my loved ones behind, I just can't afford to be sucked in anymore and must make some selfish choices. I must bounce back and get to work again. I'm almost there... I can do this... I hope I won't snap in the process.