I Cant Stop Wanking
But after reading a post about trying, I've kind of decided simply not to. In the past the urge gets strong after a few days, maybe a week - depends how much effort I put into the last session. Then it just keeps popping up out of nowhere, stronger each time.
I feel it at first a few days after I've spent a lot of time around pr0n. A sort of itch that can't be scratched, hunger that can't be sated. I'm engaged, but the only time my fiance's had any sex drive is OFF long-term contraceptives. Well she's got the implanon in her arm now for .. another year or so I think. Unless we decide to get it taken out. We've been in different countries for a month now, I'm sort of wondering if she'll have any kind of desire when she comes back at Christmas time...
So, yeah. I decided not to. I thought about what I normall think about, and I rejected those thoughts. Thanks to Omen2013 for that advice. It's how you start to meditate, too - reject any thoughts that aren't positive, and keep thinking. Then moving onto focusing on one anchor, one thing.
Anyway, I rejected those thoughts. Visual stimulation in town last night was HIGH though, so many girls simply gagging for it. Eish. Well, I wanted to go for it. To validate myself as an attractive male (at least to someone). And to satisfy this building urge that all (at least most) young males have 100% of the time.
Well it's 1pm the following day now, and so far I've just about managed to cling on. Rejecting those thoughts is getting harder, so I checked the photo's I recently put together. My fiance and I had our 5th year anniversary of the date we got together recently, so I pulled out every photo that's ever been taken of the two of us together. I thought how gorgeous she looks in most of them, and I tried to hold onto those thoughts. The positive ones.
It's not 100% easy because she was angry with me around the time a lot of them were taken. I have quite a logical perception of things when we go out, and a strong interpretation of her wishes like getting back for dinner time, and not driving in the dark, wanting the least driving to do so planning routes between places and which to go do when in the day, etc. But on the day, those wishes melt away in her - yet I'm there trying to hold them high and it almost always leads to anger on her part - and now I write it like this, I can see why she has the anger: it's her wishes, so she has no comeback, but she still wants to stay in one place longer, do that extra bit, etc. etc. Then at the end of the day she'll have missed out on something regardless. Maybe I should just let it play and have less anger more remorse. I dunno.
Anyway that was a sidetrack, the negativity around lots of those photo's is making it hard for me to stick to the positives right now, in the midst of powerful male urges.
The mind is a tremendously powerful thing though, I know that. I've witnessed it. So let's go. Let the strength run high. Let me reject negativity and feel positivity flow through me.
Begin. Fail. Know that you have begun. We are not perfect, but we are human.
:)
I feel it at first a few days after I've spent a lot of time around pr0n. A sort of itch that can't be scratched, hunger that can't be sated. I'm engaged, but the only time my fiance's had any sex drive is OFF long-term contraceptives. Well she's got the implanon in her arm now for .. another year or so I think. Unless we decide to get it taken out. We've been in different countries for a month now, I'm sort of wondering if she'll have any kind of desire when she comes back at Christmas time...
So, yeah. I decided not to. I thought about what I normall think about, and I rejected those thoughts. Thanks to Omen2013 for that advice. It's how you start to meditate, too - reject any thoughts that aren't positive, and keep thinking. Then moving onto focusing on one anchor, one thing.
Anyway, I rejected those thoughts. Visual stimulation in town last night was HIGH though, so many girls simply gagging for it. Eish. Well, I wanted to go for it. To validate myself as an attractive male (at least to someone). And to satisfy this building urge that all (at least most) young males have 100% of the time.
Well it's 1pm the following day now, and so far I've just about managed to cling on. Rejecting those thoughts is getting harder, so I checked the photo's I recently put together. My fiance and I had our 5th year anniversary of the date we got together recently, so I pulled out every photo that's ever been taken of the two of us together. I thought how gorgeous she looks in most of them, and I tried to hold onto those thoughts. The positive ones.
It's not 100% easy because she was angry with me around the time a lot of them were taken. I have quite a logical perception of things when we go out, and a strong interpretation of her wishes like getting back for dinner time, and not driving in the dark, wanting the least driving to do so planning routes between places and which to go do when in the day, etc. But on the day, those wishes melt away in her - yet I'm there trying to hold them high and it almost always leads to anger on her part - and now I write it like this, I can see why she has the anger: it's her wishes, so she has no comeback, but she still wants to stay in one place longer, do that extra bit, etc. etc. Then at the end of the day she'll have missed out on something regardless. Maybe I should just let it play and have less anger more remorse. I dunno.
Anyway that was a sidetrack, the negativity around lots of those photo's is making it hard for me to stick to the positives right now, in the midst of powerful male urges.
The mind is a tremendously powerful thing though, I know that. I've witnessed it. So let's go. Let the strength run high. Let me reject negativity and feel positivity flow through me.
Begin. Fail. Know that you have begun. We are not perfect, but we are human.
:)
36-40, M