I Did the Stupidest Thing
okay part 3...
I keep telling myself I'll type it later...but I can't go back to reality..I need to put my thoughts into words..anonymously..anyone to read but noone to know..
She said something about the first time she saw me..I went like yea right... this is definitely a joke..I got pissed off thinking she is doing it again.. making fun of me..
But she got pissed off cause I didn't believe her..
So.. I said.. "Do you like me or not damn it?"
Her exact words were "I do..okay.. I really do..there"
and then I was spellbound by those words..I paused for a moment..probably stopped functioning..
she also said that I make her heart beat faster, and her face turn red, blood run faster at the speed of sound...
But I had to tell her "I can't go out with a girl"
She went to sleep a few mins later.. with 2 messages...I was thinking "maybe she doesn't like me anymore"..."maybe she doesn't like me anymore"..."maybe she doesn't like me anymore"..."she cant like me back, they never do" ...these thoughts were the main reason behind my biggest regret...
By next day morning I had decided my thoughts were the reality...I literally believed she didn't like me... She said sorry for leaving early..but I was being mean..major attitude problem..but I had hurt her more than I knew...
The real arguments began till she said she couldn't do this anymore...I still believed its cause she never liked me in the 1st place.. but she did..she actually did...
I made her hate me..I broke her heart..I refused to accept my feelings and hers... and I broke mine to pieces and thought she did it to me...but I did it to myself..what hurts the most is knowing how much I've hurt her...knowing how it could have been if I wasn't so negative ...if I trusted her words..
How could have I...when it felt so surreal...
I asked for her forgiveness once I realized it was all my fault...but she had already moved on she said..
It was too late...there is nothing I wouldn't do to change everything..but I already lost her...the worst part is the person I care for the most right now hates me...
I keep telling myself I'll type it later...but I can't go back to reality..I need to put my thoughts into words..anonymously..anyone to read but noone to know..
She said something about the first time she saw me..I went like yea right... this is definitely a joke..I got pissed off thinking she is doing it again.. making fun of me..
But she got pissed off cause I didn't believe her..
So.. I said.. "Do you like me or not damn it?"
Her exact words were "I do..okay.. I really do..there"
and then I was spellbound by those words..I paused for a moment..probably stopped functioning..
she also said that I make her heart beat faster, and her face turn red, blood run faster at the speed of sound...
But I had to tell her "I can't go out with a girl"
She went to sleep a few mins later.. with 2 messages...I was thinking "maybe she doesn't like me anymore"..."maybe she doesn't like me anymore"..."maybe she doesn't like me anymore"..."she cant like me back, they never do" ...these thoughts were the main reason behind my biggest regret...
By next day morning I had decided my thoughts were the reality...I literally believed she didn't like me... She said sorry for leaving early..but I was being mean..major attitude problem..but I had hurt her more than I knew...
The real arguments began till she said she couldn't do this anymore...I still believed its cause she never liked me in the 1st place.. but she did..she actually did...
I made her hate me..I broke her heart..I refused to accept my feelings and hers... and I broke mine to pieces and thought she did it to me...but I did it to myself..what hurts the most is knowing how much I've hurt her...knowing how it could have been if I wasn't so negative ...if I trusted her words..
How could have I...when it felt so surreal...
I asked for her forgiveness once I realized it was all my fault...but she had already moved on she said..
It was too late...there is nothing I wouldn't do to change everything..but I already lost her...the worst part is the person I care for the most right now hates me...
26-30, F
