I Lost My Mother to Cancer
I was an only child, and closest to my mother of both parents. She was a loving person, a kind-hearted, memorable woman. She could light up a room with her smile, make it glow with her warm words and spirit. She lived life enthusiastically, was spry and determined in nature.
It was drained from her as she fought cancer. I was roughly 11 when she was diagnosed, and she died by the time I was 13. She was a fighter, that's for sure. I have many memories of her, and unfortunately it seems some of the most distinct ones, are also some of the most painstakingly sad ones, from this time.
Seeing someone you love in pain on a daily basis, weakened by physical ailment is a hard thing to forget. Remembering hearing her cry in the shower because her hair was falling out, or become frustrated with me when I tried to help her because she felt helpless and wanted to be able to help herself.....seeing her walk with a walker because she was too weak to walk with her legs alone, or wearing a neck brace because the cancer spread to her spine and the aftermaths were cruel. It is all still very vivid in my mind. And that last "I love you" whispered to my 13 year old self before she took her last breath in her hospital bed, is something I will never forget.
I'm going to try to remember her voice singing "you are my sunshine" when I was little, her laugh that reverberated past her beautiful smile, her bold and confident attitude, the little lessons she taught me about life and love, and her guiding words to learn about God.
I hold onto that feeling of love and being loved she instilled in me. I know she wanted the best for me, and cared beyond words, as I miss her beyond words. I may have only been 13 when she died, but that was long enough for her to have left footprints on my heart.
It was drained from her as she fought cancer. I was roughly 11 when she was diagnosed, and she died by the time I was 13. She was a fighter, that's for sure. I have many memories of her, and unfortunately it seems some of the most distinct ones, are also some of the most painstakingly sad ones, from this time.
Seeing someone you love in pain on a daily basis, weakened by physical ailment is a hard thing to forget. Remembering hearing her cry in the shower because her hair was falling out, or become frustrated with me when I tried to help her because she felt helpless and wanted to be able to help herself.....seeing her walk with a walker because she was too weak to walk with her legs alone, or wearing a neck brace because the cancer spread to her spine and the aftermaths were cruel. It is all still very vivid in my mind. And that last "I love you" whispered to my 13 year old self before she took her last breath in her hospital bed, is something I will never forget.
I'm going to try to remember her voice singing "you are my sunshine" when I was little, her laugh that reverberated past her beautiful smile, her bold and confident attitude, the little lessons she taught me about life and love, and her guiding words to learn about God.
I hold onto that feeling of love and being loved she instilled in me. I know she wanted the best for me, and cared beyond words, as I miss her beyond words. I may have only been 13 when she died, but that was long enough for her to have left footprints on my heart.
31-35, F
