I Have A Pretty Bad Past

Looking back, I wouldn't have cried out to Jesus, with the intentions of going forward, if the Lord promised me that he wouldn't become possessed, like the last guy. So when I called out to Jesus, and the answer was your destiny is already mapped out you are going to heaven are you going alone or not, I proceeded to move forward with him.....And he agreed to it. But soon he would be pushing me away by bullying me and my children, I'd hoped for a more kinder man. But that was never to be. He was a vessel of satan. And someone once told me about this really bad feeling they got from him like his aura was strong and made them sense a bad feeling....I told her it could have been a demon. The very thing that I didn't want for him. Lord you promised us heaven, then why was I the only one to hear Angels singing? And yes he did witness it, so what he still didn't like me. I suppose I should just forget the past...But each day it becomes clearer and clearer, what my true intentions were. Which were good.....All I ever wanted was to draw closer to God, and to connect with him, like my husband connects with people....But I suppose God wants me to connect with God, because I'm schizophrenic, don't come to close only Jesus can handle me.

What I really wanted out of the whole ordeal was for him to see the light, not the darkness, I wanted to be able to talk about it, to speak MY LANGUAGE and express MY BELIEFS without being shot off to the psych ward because they were different than everybody else's. Because I'm highly spiritual and it's supernatural! Or I'm just psychotic, NOT! I just wanted him to get to know the real me and I just wanted to get to know the real him, so that we could get comfortable with one another and talk about anything. Without being shocked, and thought of as crazy. I just experience the world differently that's all.