I Need to Talk

I'm a mess. Not even a mess in a dress. I don't even own a dress. Maybe if I dressed better people would treat me like an adult. Maybe I just ooze insecurity. That's unfortunate. Now everyone will know what a failure I am just from being within a five foot radius of me.
I don't know why I bothered getting up early to study for this exam. Nothing is sticking. Nothing from the entire chapter stuck, not even from the classes I did attend. At least my professor knows what's been going on now. Maybe she'll understand why I'm being so irresponsible and take pity on me. I don't think I've ever wanted anyone to take pity on me before. I just wanna be perfect but I can't even be ok. I can't even take care of myself half the time. Why is it so hard? Maybe I do need to try medication. Nothing else works. I wish that my parents understood mental health. They just think I'm being dramatic. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm just blowing everything out of proportion. But that's a problem in and of itself, isn't it? My anxiety. Everything feels so impossible and I feel so small.