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I Don't Deserve Life

I've heard multiple times during my life from my mother saying that I was on life support for 3 days when I was born, and for some reason only until now, this day, this night, as I was laying in the bathtub, I realized that I should've been a dead baby. I never thought of it before, or gave it much weight or importance until now, because of the thought that if I was born 100 years ago, when medicine wasn't as advanced as now, I would've literally died at birth.
I don't deserve this life, it was a gift ...a gift I don't know how to accept.
I'm having an internal crisis right now, because I don't know how should I live my life with this realization. I shouldn't be here, I should be dead. Part of all these people's lives...but I shouldn't exist now. You shouldn't know me. You shouldn't be able to see or read this.

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CarleighJ · 36-40, F

Every organism deserves a change at life whether it's under developed, ill, injured or no vitals. It really does not a matter of if you feel you deserve life or not. You're here now, make the most of it while you can.

Myself I shouldn't be here either. I was clinically dead and TOD called on me in 2015. No idea why or how my heart and lungs started without assistance after TOD was called. No idea how I am not brain dead for as long as I was without a pulse and without a breath.

My lungs also start to close and shut down every few hours, and they have since birth. If it wasn't for continued advicement and pharmaceutical medicine I would of been dead long before 2015.

Don't dwell on the uncertainty of the "what now", but rather live in the moment and pay attention to everything around you. You're here for a reason and will know what purpose the maternity ward and NICU gave you life at birth for, whether it's tomorrow or years from now.

Dan193 · 31-35, M

@CarleighJ Yes, I agree, thank you.