I Want To Say This To My Dad
I've known you for 25 years. My mom walked out on us and you were suddenly the only person responsible for my upbringing. And you did a great job, until I turned 18. That day, January 6, 2008, changed everything I ever knew about our relationship. Having had nearly zero pressure to perform tasks which would help me later in life, like job hunting, learning to drive, how to find a place to live. All those things are something I should've learned long before I became a legal adult halfway through my final year of high school. Why did you let me wind up this way? Why did you let me flourish into an adult with no knowledge about the adult world? Why did you feel the need to coddle me and hide me from the reality I would inevitably face? Why did you act like it was my fault when I didn't magically obtain adult knowledge on my 18th birthday? It took me 7 years, but I've finally outgrown my naivety, and see you for who you truly are: Controlling, manipulative and lost.
Controlling because heaven forbid should someone who's been an adult for 7 years do what she wants to do without needing to be told if it's wrong or right.
Manipulative because every time we or anyone else fights with you, you never say you're sorry, you never admit when you're wrong. Oh, I shouldn't say never, since you will do both those things if you feel as if your life is about to take a turn for the much worse, like when you cheated on your wife, who, may I remind you, is the best f u c k i n g stepmother I've ever had, with escorts. Escorts! Like WTF!! It couldn't just be some woman you met in a bar? Oh wait you've used those as well. That's the only time I can recall in recent times that you ever came forward with your remorse. And if the fight is bad, but not life-changing, you'll simply stop talking to those that offended you and when a sufficient amount of time has passed, you'll act like nothing wrong was ever said. Say you're sorry. Just f u c k i n g say it!
You are lost because you don't know what you want and I don't think you've known ever since I came of age. You've been cheating on my stepmothers ever since wife number three showed up. Megan. What the hell were you doing with her? You lost your wife because of some b i t c h that couldn't make up her mind of whether or not she wanted to be with you. What the hell were you thinking? Do you even know what you want? You keep getting married, then you act like it's just some hobby. Oh, you can still have someone on the side despite what your wedding vows say. Notches in your belt much?
And if that isn't bad enough, you left wife number two because she was mean to both me and you? Funny, you didn't seem to be so keen on that observation with wife number three. She was so mean that I can safely say that if she ever dies, I'll be busy celebrating. Tyrant. Oh, now I know why you stayed with her. It was because you had so much in common: children are free labor! We are both stubborn as hell! Let's attack the children together!
You tried to justify it, but you failed. "She just doesn't know how to be a mother," you said. She had 3 f u c k i n g miscarriages! Obviously this is a sign that she never should have entered a relationship where children already existed. You say that you would've left her sooner "if only you'd known how miserable I was." Don't you think that her best efforts in trying to be mother and only managing to hurt me was my way of trying to tell you? You knew, you just didn't want to do anything about it. You loved her way too much to throw her away for your own daughter. I hope that w h o r e was good in bed, because as far as I can see, that's the only thing she was ever good for.
And don't even get me started on your latest tirade. You "wanted" to go skiing with me, "spend some time" with me. And maybe that was the goal of that unimaginably horrifying 4-day ski trip, but I will say that it ended, at least for me, in a wake-up call. The call that said, "Leave while you can." It's like walking on eggshe- No, it's like walking on knife tips around you. I jokingly call you a piece of crap for manipulating your way out of a planned prank I had. You even acknowledged this with your body language, but I can't even call you a name that isn't even that bad? WTF? Where is your consistency? I call you a piece of crap and suddenly that makes it okay to call me a little s h i t? What?? I am done. I am done with your lies. I am done with your manipulations. I am done with your controlling behavior. I am done with you.
And it only took me 7 years to figure it out.
Controlling because heaven forbid should someone who's been an adult for 7 years do what she wants to do without needing to be told if it's wrong or right.
Manipulative because every time we or anyone else fights with you, you never say you're sorry, you never admit when you're wrong. Oh, I shouldn't say never, since you will do both those things if you feel as if your life is about to take a turn for the much worse, like when you cheated on your wife, who, may I remind you, is the best f u c k i n g stepmother I've ever had, with escorts. Escorts! Like WTF!! It couldn't just be some woman you met in a bar? Oh wait you've used those as well. That's the only time I can recall in recent times that you ever came forward with your remorse. And if the fight is bad, but not life-changing, you'll simply stop talking to those that offended you and when a sufficient amount of time has passed, you'll act like nothing wrong was ever said. Say you're sorry. Just f u c k i n g say it!
You are lost because you don't know what you want and I don't think you've known ever since I came of age. You've been cheating on my stepmothers ever since wife number three showed up. Megan. What the hell were you doing with her? You lost your wife because of some b i t c h that couldn't make up her mind of whether or not she wanted to be with you. What the hell were you thinking? Do you even know what you want? You keep getting married, then you act like it's just some hobby. Oh, you can still have someone on the side despite what your wedding vows say. Notches in your belt much?
And if that isn't bad enough, you left wife number two because she was mean to both me and you? Funny, you didn't seem to be so keen on that observation with wife number three. She was so mean that I can safely say that if she ever dies, I'll be busy celebrating. Tyrant. Oh, now I know why you stayed with her. It was because you had so much in common: children are free labor! We are both stubborn as hell! Let's attack the children together!
You tried to justify it, but you failed. "She just doesn't know how to be a mother," you said. She had 3 f u c k i n g miscarriages! Obviously this is a sign that she never should have entered a relationship where children already existed. You say that you would've left her sooner "if only you'd known how miserable I was." Don't you think that her best efforts in trying to be mother and only managing to hurt me was my way of trying to tell you? You knew, you just didn't want to do anything about it. You loved her way too much to throw her away for your own daughter. I hope that w h o r e was good in bed, because as far as I can see, that's the only thing she was ever good for.
And don't even get me started on your latest tirade. You "wanted" to go skiing with me, "spend some time" with me. And maybe that was the goal of that unimaginably horrifying 4-day ski trip, but I will say that it ended, at least for me, in a wake-up call. The call that said, "Leave while you can." It's like walking on eggshe- No, it's like walking on knife tips around you. I jokingly call you a piece of crap for manipulating your way out of a planned prank I had. You even acknowledged this with your body language, but I can't even call you a name that isn't even that bad? WTF? Where is your consistency? I call you a piece of crap and suddenly that makes it okay to call me a little s h i t? What?? I am done. I am done with your lies. I am done with your manipulations. I am done with your controlling behavior. I am done with you.
And it only took me 7 years to figure it out.
31-35, F