I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing At All

Your thoughts racing in a million directions constantly at every second you are awake and every single one, toxic.
With every thought worse than the previous, spiralling out of control.
This is not you. This is some illness taking controle of your mind. But even though you are aware of that fact, you cannot help but to listen to them.
Feel the weight af the storm.
The impending darkness.
The thoughts making you implode.
Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.
How could you run from your own thoughts?
The weight of the world is crushing you and as the thoughts all lead to one thing, one action that now seems inevitable.
You wish for it to stop as you have done a billion times before.
Everything goes silent.
Empty.

The wind touches your face.
But you are not moved.
A single tear slips down your cheek
But there is no sadness.
Is this salvation?

A robotic excistence, going through the motions you cannot take it anymore.
What is this excistence but inhuman.
A life without emotions, without passion, without pain is no life.
You would do anything for the pain to return. Anything to be human again.
But all you are left with is emptiness...