I Have Flaws
This memory recently popped into my head.
When I was in junior college, I was a lab tech in one of the student computer labs. When I was working, I took my job pretty seriously, but really I think I was just depressed and lonely. I didn't smile or laugh when I was on the job. It was this particular quirk that led to my embarrassment.
Not only was I depressed and lonely, but I was also obese, unfulfilled in both my education and career at the time.
There was a young woman that had come into the lab to work. She was an immigrant from another country, still learning English but knew enough that I could communicate with her. I didn't want to disrespect her so I kept my conversations with her professional. Still, I had a pretty big crush on her, but I was kind of scared of talking to her, making her feel uncomfortable. I felt like an idiot when I was around her, but I told myself that this was ok because I felt like she had come to this country to get an education, not get hit on by random guys.
One day I was in one of the parking lots at the school, heading to my car. Suddenly I saw her, coming toward me, looking lost in thought, confused. I smiled, to let her know I was available to help. Suddenly, she realized I was there. She looked at face and froze in terror for a moment. Seeing the look on her face, I now froze and frowned with concern.
Suddenly, she relaxed and smiled. She said, "I didn't know who you were until you stopped smiling. After that, I recognized you."
I was kind of shocked. To her, probably to most people that I came across at that time, I was some kind of humorless robot. It shook me some. The pain that I felt so acutely on the inside was now so much a part of my character that it could be physically seen on my outside. It still amazes me when I think about it now. How many chances at love, at friendship, have I missed because the ugliness I felt on my inside was how I'd be identified on the outside?
When I was in junior college, I was a lab tech in one of the student computer labs. When I was working, I took my job pretty seriously, but really I think I was just depressed and lonely. I didn't smile or laugh when I was on the job. It was this particular quirk that led to my embarrassment.
Not only was I depressed and lonely, but I was also obese, unfulfilled in both my education and career at the time.
There was a young woman that had come into the lab to work. She was an immigrant from another country, still learning English but knew enough that I could communicate with her. I didn't want to disrespect her so I kept my conversations with her professional. Still, I had a pretty big crush on her, but I was kind of scared of talking to her, making her feel uncomfortable. I felt like an idiot when I was around her, but I told myself that this was ok because I felt like she had come to this country to get an education, not get hit on by random guys.
One day I was in one of the parking lots at the school, heading to my car. Suddenly I saw her, coming toward me, looking lost in thought, confused. I smiled, to let her know I was available to help. Suddenly, she realized I was there. She looked at face and froze in terror for a moment. Seeing the look on her face, I now froze and frowned with concern.
Suddenly, she relaxed and smiled. She said, "I didn't know who you were until you stopped smiling. After that, I recognized you."
I was kind of shocked. To her, probably to most people that I came across at that time, I was some kind of humorless robot. It shook me some. The pain that I felt so acutely on the inside was now so much a part of my character that it could be physically seen on my outside. It still amazes me when I think about it now. How many chances at love, at friendship, have I missed because the ugliness I felt on my inside was how I'd be identified on the outside?
13-15, M