I Feel Like I'm Not Good Enough
Nothing More Than An Underachiever
Growing up in my family was kind of like being a top prospect in the NHL draft, and my 3 older brothers were the other top prospects I was competing against. Like my 3 older brothers, my parents had high hopes and expectations for me, in fact, they believed I would be the smartest, and most successful of us all, but as the years went by, my brothers all turned out to be successful, as was projected. And me? I turned out to be a bit of a bust. Going back to my Hockey analogy, it was like they had illustrious NHL careers, and I just had an average at best career, despite being picked 1st overall.
So how exactly was I such a failure? Well lets do some comparing shall we:
My brothers were all honor students, they all went to university, got degrees, and they all make $100k+ a year. And they're all happily married as well. Me on the other hand, I wasn't an honor student, hell I barely passed my grades. Leaving my parents, and my teachers scratching their heads, wondering why my brothers were so smart, and I was so stupid. I did graduate high school, barely, but I made it. I didn't go to university, this brain could barely make it through grade school, much less university. I resorted to physical labour instead. And am I making $100k+ a year like my brothers are? Of course not, I make a measly $70k a year. And I'm not married, or in relationship. In fact, I've never been in one. Ya, 25 years, and the only thing my love life (if you even want to call it that) consists of is 1 date, 2 drunken make out sessions, and whole bunch of missed opportunities, and what if's and what could have been's. You could say that I'm a bit of an embarrassment to my family, though nobody in my family has actually said that directly to me, I've kind of picked up on the vibe that I am.
I actually work at the same company one of my older brothers works at, and though the two of us have moved around, and won our share of awards. I get people constantly telling me things like: "How come your brother has a better job than you" "How come he moved up so fast, and you never did", etc.
During my brothers weddings, it was no different. People were always pointing out that I was the only one without a date. And how I was sitting at a table alone drinking, while they danced with their partners. Yeah thanks for that, because I wasn't aware of that already.
However others have tried to convince me that I've done good. Saying things like "You have a decent paying job, your own house, and a flashy car". True, but are these things really that much to brag about? I used to think they were. But really, getting a job, buying your own house or apartment, everyone does that at some point in their lives. It's not really an accomplishment, it's just an expectation, something you're supposed to do. At the end of the day, all I've been is average at best, while my siblings went above and beyond. There's a reason why they get a lot more praise from my parents than I do. They deserve a lot more praise, because they hit their potential, and was an underachieving bust.
Growing up in my family was kind of like being a top prospect in the NHL draft, and my 3 older brothers were the other top prospects I was competing against. Like my 3 older brothers, my parents had high hopes and expectations for me, in fact, they believed I would be the smartest, and most successful of us all, but as the years went by, my brothers all turned out to be successful, as was projected. And me? I turned out to be a bit of a bust. Going back to my Hockey analogy, it was like they had illustrious NHL careers, and I just had an average at best career, despite being picked 1st overall.
So how exactly was I such a failure? Well lets do some comparing shall we:
My brothers were all honor students, they all went to university, got degrees, and they all make $100k+ a year. And they're all happily married as well. Me on the other hand, I wasn't an honor student, hell I barely passed my grades. Leaving my parents, and my teachers scratching their heads, wondering why my brothers were so smart, and I was so stupid. I did graduate high school, barely, but I made it. I didn't go to university, this brain could barely make it through grade school, much less university. I resorted to physical labour instead. And am I making $100k+ a year like my brothers are? Of course not, I make a measly $70k a year. And I'm not married, or in relationship. In fact, I've never been in one. Ya, 25 years, and the only thing my love life (if you even want to call it that) consists of is 1 date, 2 drunken make out sessions, and whole bunch of missed opportunities, and what if's and what could have been's. You could say that I'm a bit of an embarrassment to my family, though nobody in my family has actually said that directly to me, I've kind of picked up on the vibe that I am.
I actually work at the same company one of my older brothers works at, and though the two of us have moved around, and won our share of awards. I get people constantly telling me things like: "How come your brother has a better job than you" "How come he moved up so fast, and you never did", etc.
During my brothers weddings, it was no different. People were always pointing out that I was the only one without a date. And how I was sitting at a table alone drinking, while they danced with their partners. Yeah thanks for that, because I wasn't aware of that already.
However others have tried to convince me that I've done good. Saying things like "You have a decent paying job, your own house, and a flashy car". True, but are these things really that much to brag about? I used to think they were. But really, getting a job, buying your own house or apartment, everyone does that at some point in their lives. It's not really an accomplishment, it's just an expectation, something you're supposed to do. At the end of the day, all I've been is average at best, while my siblings went above and beyond. There's a reason why they get a lot more praise from my parents than I do. They deserve a lot more praise, because they hit their potential, and was an underachieving bust.
31-35, M