I Am Proud
Despite Everything... It seems to me that life has treated me rather badly. i have being through loads of shit where i've being left to feel humliated, stupid, weak and powerless, depressed and sucidal..worst of these was when i was a kid at school where i was bullied by everyone and escaped being beaten up because i was fast when i was little and people eventually lost intreset when i was older in trying to hurt me.but throughout my childhood, yes throughout it completley. i was told that i would be nothing, that i was nothing and that i am useless and i was made sure that i felt as such..so for a long time, i was always underestimated even by myself, i thought i was so useless that i shouldn't even try. My parents didn't help, when they were there for me they was often forcing me to do something i didn't want to do or being told i was going to have the shitest life ever and be worthless if i didn't do well in something..But instead of making me some scared wreck who can't do anything right because they feel that they are too worthless to even breath. i am instead the opposite..
from all the shit that life dealt me, it dealt me more than what i said above but that was the most memorable stuff of it, i grew a certain strength. That i was more than what i was told and felt, that i was worth alot more, more than them..Despite everything, i became proud of myself and the more that happened, despite how bad i would feel, that little bit inside of me, grew more and more prideful and finally to this day, when i have shown everyone, just a little bit of my greatness, where they all doubted me and told me i was going to fail my tests i showed them again that they was wrong...TWICE! I feel proud in myself, and it was that pride that kept me going, everyone tried to kick me down, school and life tried to keep me down with their damn tests and predictions and what i was told. But i always felt inside that i would show them all, I always kept pride in myself and finally when it came to it, when even i felt like i might fail and lose. something would happen and i would feel such a burst of energry inside of my heart, that warmed my body and spread forth and filled me with such power and pride and i made it, and did better than others, when i was competing..
i dont think i am better than someone, and what i mean by that is i dont think my life is worth more than others just because i have pride in myself, i might be better than others in some things but i am not arrogant..i have no need to make others feel like they are worthless to fuel my pride..my pride, my honour. my strength that keeps me going forward, brings me ever closer to that golden chalice of my dreams, is from somewhere deeper..
from all the shit that life dealt me, it dealt me more than what i said above but that was the most memorable stuff of it, i grew a certain strength. That i was more than what i was told and felt, that i was worth alot more, more than them..Despite everything, i became proud of myself and the more that happened, despite how bad i would feel, that little bit inside of me, grew more and more prideful and finally to this day, when i have shown everyone, just a little bit of my greatness, where they all doubted me and told me i was going to fail my tests i showed them again that they was wrong...TWICE! I feel proud in myself, and it was that pride that kept me going, everyone tried to kick me down, school and life tried to keep me down with their damn tests and predictions and what i was told. But i always felt inside that i would show them all, I always kept pride in myself and finally when it came to it, when even i felt like i might fail and lose. something would happen and i would feel such a burst of energry inside of my heart, that warmed my body and spread forth and filled me with such power and pride and i made it, and did better than others, when i was competing..
i dont think i am better than someone, and what i mean by that is i dont think my life is worth more than others just because i have pride in myself, i might be better than others in some things but i am not arrogant..i have no need to make others feel like they are worthless to fuel my pride..my pride, my honour. my strength that keeps me going forward, brings me ever closer to that golden chalice of my dreams, is from somewhere deeper..
31-35, M