I Feel Empty, I Feel As If Ill Always Feel Empty

As an adult who dealt with a long path of loneliness, I feel empty. I enjoy this because it gives me freedom to explore my child like imagination. Everyone else lives normal life and I keep rebelling and its causing even more loneliness. I long social interaction but I am almost 30 and most women settle down with a man and I am still single. I feel like I am a later teenager instead of in my late 20s. I sometimes wished I died at age 7 with my best friend Courtney (boy) because I would be saved from this agony. I don't know what to do. I wish I can go back to early childhood and stay there forever by dying YOUNG. Sometimes dying young is the best.